Calista Hahn

[A @seattleiminyou]

I don’t believe there’s any reason to do burpees

[meghan @deloisivete]

Sorry dinner will be late, the Jump to Recipe button was broken and I'm still scrolling through Mackayleigh's personal and deep history with green beans

[Mr. Chau @Srirachachau]

Doing an Irish hello (not saying hello to anyone)

[𝙃𝙑𝘿𝙀𝙎 @hvdesmusic]

i’ve been nothing but a derp chungus to u and this is how u treat me

[Vivian @suchnerve]

smells like upslut in here

[John Halo @EpicMasterChief]

Crossfaded off cheese and crackers

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

they should make a sleep where it feels like you’ve slept

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

The worst mistake you can make while cleaning is sitting down for even a minute.

[🍻 @drink2beers]

embarrassement is a fake emotion

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

Big day for couches.

[johnna paige. @lowkeyjohnnap]

I be dressing like a lil boy with a whole thong on. Never cared.

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

All dishes are disposable if you’re depressed enough

[hera @shiningdaisies]

what if i got weirder

[Mxim @sugeezy]

I had a million opportunities to waste money this year and I took them all. In fact, even when there wasn’t an opportunity, I created one.

[GREGY @Gregy_Online]

the fuck do you mean the world is my oyster what the hell are you talking about

[✧ @cessonmute]

plsss don't annoy me this week because if you do, i'll give your number to every kid i see and tell them it's santa's hotline

[trash jones @jzux]

my ducks are not even remotely in a row. My ducks are in places no duck has ever gone before

[𝑱𝒐𝒓𝒐 @JoroJrn]

apps that pause my music piss me off 😭

[✰ @juicenotthekid_]

Liking a song isn't enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job