reading

[reading @CallMeTibbit]

actually, I could be reading books instead of wasting my time here

[: @sn0oozey]

I just need a fucking one dance

[Mr. Nobody @MmisterNobody]

Alcohol sales and crime have dropped so much that they’re making weed a crime again.

[bena @playboybena]

how fat and gluttonous do you have to be to honk at someone in a drive thru

[Majorian @majoriansmusing]

When the beefy 5 layer burrito was introduced at Taco Bell in 2009 it was .89 cents. It is now 5 dollars. Even adjusting for inflation it should only be about $1.39.

But nah foods not more expensive don't worry guys!

[Owen Shroyer @OwenShroyer1776]

We've gone from Golden Age to shut up and eat Ramen and refried beans real fast, and that was with minimal push back.

[unusual_whales @unusual_whales]

BREAKING: Japanese officials have repeatedly requested that the US. government stop its meme posting involving characters and franchises such as Mario, Pokémon and Naruto, per IGN

[Books Behind Borders @MHTruthUltra]

They'll sacrifice your sons to war for profit and your daughters to pedophiles, and then tell you that you're not a patriot if you resist.

[trash jones @jzux]

me when my friends mess up: you’re only human, please be kind to yourself. it’s ok to learn

me when i mess up: they should shoot me like a dog in the street

[my sobriety journey @poopswag34]

Almost completely stealth and barely makes any crinkling

[Mamiana💋 @mamatare1]

Schizophrenic

[Thomas White @len0killer]

My uncle performed the first Minion autopsy out near Marietta. Year was ‘89. Thick, thick skin, like a boar’s. Downstairs was all cloaca. Kevin still visits the grave

[all the best, arianna @virtualjew]

hit em where it hurts

[Eric @ericpierre53]

I’m trying to normalise loudly saying “Ew they used AI, that shit looks nasty!” in public to shame lazy business owners

[Omniswaggest•🎈 @lilbabynot]

Sometimes i don’t even wanna fuck, i just wanna eat pussy

[Brad @BraddrofliT]

The sitting president of the United States cannot bank with capital one. Due to suspicion of money laundering.

Are we great yet?

[Egg @BoiledEggington]

Was on the bus and this nigga skipped my stop and when I told him he just said "I don't gaf, I can kill us all right now"