Captain Murphy

Former Sealab Captain. Great Spice Wars combat veteran.

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@JonKrawczynski KG is still in pretty good shape at 50, right?

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@oceaiii That is exactly what not to do.

I found myself in that same situation in Daytona Beach, but it was at least twice as many in the group. I stood still to be sure I wouldn't step on or startle any and they calmly swam right by without even touching me.

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@baseballisdead_ I wish Pedro Martinez was still around to deal with dipshits like this guy. Doesn't someone from the Cleveland Guardians do basically the same thing?

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@JomboyMedia I am praying for Freeland to one day throw a wild pitch in the dirt with Chaparro on 3rd base so there will be a close play at home where Chaparro blows him up and says "Stay away from the fucking batters box. That's my batters box."

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@spencerpratt That's why you must NEVER give up your guns to Socialists/Communists.

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@Carp2291 @alwayssbased @KFAN1003 Barreiro should have been taken off the air 3-4 years ago. He's so self-absorbed he can't read the room anymore. He completely botched a segment with Josh Duhamel a couple years ago by incessantly steering the interview to a recent crap movie the actor didn't want to talk about.

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@NostalgiaYZ Is this what Moby was doing before he started making bad music?

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@more_meat_loaf I think of Faith No More as Gen X, not Korn.

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@TaraBull Women walking dogs that they can't control is the main reason I carry when walking park trails.

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@conservfam7

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@HustleBitch_ At least it wasn't mid-flight.

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@rixlerr I believe she is exaggerating some sort of incident for sympathy. Name the person if you're telling the truth.

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@alifarhat79 Did you get some silver at $120/ounce back in January?

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@Ten__Code @ShegunTweets

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@shellieabq @madisonkelleyp

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@WallStreetApes I have a dash cam (inward & outward facing) in my work truck. It is a massive distraction to the point of being unsafe.

Reduce speed warnings when I'm not speeding.
Drowsy driver alarms for glancing down at my side mirrors.
Put down phone alarms if I try to drink water.
Etc...

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@ShadowofEzra The correct response when the police ask if you've seen anyone destroying Flock cameras:

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@BigOrangeMack He's using the wrong end of the paddle. A few jabs to the ribs with the handle end would take the fight out of him.

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@sominboy27 @10k_Takes Boomer? Boomers are 62-80 years old. You think that guy is in his 60s?

[Captain Murphy @Capt_H_Murphy]

@takingchxnces @billybrizzle420 I know a guy who moved to San Diego, from Minneapolis, for a full-time EMT job. He was young, single, and had 2 friends to live with - to cut living expenses. He went broke in 1 year and returned to Minnesota.