shoping cart lunatic

[shoping cart lunatic @CarroDeRumiante]

a symphony floats by my ear ... the bracelet beads of the woman running me over as she exit kroger

[shoping cart lunatic @CarroDeRumiante]

unhinging jaw like python around this food bolus

[shoping cart lunatic @CarroDeRumiante]

before flushing, i carefully insert the FTD (fecal tracking device) which will sync with my FT app

[Skat Ape @_Skatape]

Throbbing with antioxidants.

[shoping cart lunatic @CarroDeRumiante]

@_Skatape It's going better lately

[Skat Ape @_Skatape]

You look like you’re heading to Costco (derogatory)

[shoping cart lunatic @CarroDeRumiante]

@_Skatape

[Rad Wizzy @RadWizzy]

"Bob is coming over for dinner."

Bob from work or Bob the pervert who works at the gas station?

*a roasted hotdog slides in and out of the front door mail slot*

[chonk @freshchonk]

i held out hope to the very last page that hogwarts wasnt a school for the magically gifted and was infact a deranged little mental hospital.

[Natasha Something @IfIwassomething]

There's never been a better night to follow a pair of glowing eyes into an overgrown brush.

[shoping cart lunatic @CarroDeRumiante]

the real friends are the jimothies we made along the way

[shoping cart lunatic @CarroDeRumiante]

(toilet, to me): am i just some kind of poop dumpster to you?

[grace @gracefishlove]

Fuck that guys groceries are way cooler than mine

[shoping cart lunatic @CarroDeRumiante]

@doyhickey the farter must immediately do a michael jackson "yee-hee"

[Namu @Namumuk]

I stopped by to visit my great grandmother and she said “I didn’t hear you come in. You snuck in like an Indian.” Then I said “I am an Indian” and she went “Oh, well then you just snuck in.” Lmao

[shoping cart lunatic @CarroDeRumiante]

you gotta sit with the pants before u put them on

[naut ∴𑁤 @hahacomputer]

guy rolling up to ace hardware on feeder road on little red motor scooter, slide clad foot stuck all the way out to the side happy 4th of July to you Sir

[shoping cart lunatic @CarroDeRumiante]

wait till the tall ships roll up on Hormuz

[shoping cart lunatic @CarroDeRumiante]

@freshchonk dragon breath is just planetary semen