All-In Louise

Jesus Christ is infinitely worthy of my trust. I am so flawed and so weak, but so committed to being ALL-IN with my faith in my Savior. He is near. 🩵

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

This is THE MOST significant testimony I can share at this time, and it's about surrendering our will to God. I pray that it can help many people.

The experience I’m going to describe happened while my husband was away for a six-week work training, and our kids and I were staying with my parents.

I was a mom of two children age 2 and under, and I was run ragged. Everything was overwhelming for me. I didn’t feel safe or secure in anything. Although two and four years had passed from the dates of two spiritually and emotionally traumatic miscarriages, I still carried the pain within my heart, no matter how much I longed to be healed of it. I was short-tempered with my precious little toddlers, was crying or close to tears almost all the time, and could barely leave the house with my kids except for church because of how heavy my heart always felt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, my dad approached me and said, “Lui, do you think you can carry anything else on your plate?”

“Oh, NO,” I thought. “He’s trying to volunteer me to help someone at church. But I can NOT. I can NOT help anyone. I feel like I’m barely surviving as it is.”

Aloud, I said, “No, Dad, I don’t think I can.”

He considered me for a moment, and then said “I think you need to forgive.”

I stared at him.

He returned my gaze.

"He’s serious," I thought.

Aloud, I said “I don’t hold any grudges against anyone, Dad- I don’t have the emotional energy to carry hate or anger like that. Why and who would I forgive?”

“I don’t know,” he answered. “I just really feel like I needed to tell you that.”

“Okaaaay,” I said. “Thank you. I will think about it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

For the next few days, I did. I slowly started warming to the idea that maybe there WERE people and situations which I could forgive, and thereby free myself from burdens I didn’t even know I was holding.

One night during this time, I’d just gone to the room I was staying in with our kids. I was trying to process things after having lost my patience with them, apologized, and gotten them down for bed. I heard a soft knock on the door, but wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone, so I ignored it and lay on my bed as though I was already asleep.

Soundlessly, the door opened. Cracking an eye open, I watched my dad’s hand slide through the opening while holding a paper he’d printed out. He pressed the paper to the wall, where a pre-placed strip of tape at the paper’s top edge secured it there. Then his hand withdrew and the door silently closed.

I left the bed, quietly crossed the room, and read the words printed on the paper.

“As one’s will is increasingly submissive to the will of God, he can receive inspiration and revelation so much needed to help meet the trials of life.” – Neal A. Maxwell

I stood there, absorbing the words. As I did, the Holy Spirit touched my heart, saying “Keep going this way.” So I looked up the quote by Elder Maxwell and found it came from an October 1995 talk called “Swallowed Up in the Will of the Father.”

I read the talk and came upon this part:

“The submission of one’s will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God’s altar. The many other things we “give,” brothers and sisters, are actually the things He has already given or loaned to us. However, when you and I finally submit ourselves, by letting our individual wills be swallowed up in God’s will, then we are really giving something to Him! It is the only possession which is truly ours to give!”

“Keep going this way,” the Spirit whispered again.

~~~~~~~~~

For the next few days, I turned the ideas over in my mind and heart. Forgiving anyone and everything that had ever hurt me. Surrendering my will to God. Trusting Him… no matter what.

But I couldn’t commit to actually DO IT because of the fearful thoughts and doubts which came thick and fast every time I steeled myself to pray about these things.

The loudest fear was this one: “As soon as I surrender my will to God, He’s going to take everything away from me to see if I really meant it. He’s going to test me. Watch and see. Or if I just don’t pray about this, and then He won’t have to test me. I can just keep going as I have been…miserably, but at least I’ll have my husband and kids.”

I will forever be grateful that my dad issued this invitation, and that I chose faith instead of fear. Because after just a day or two of those fearful thoughts, I had had ENOUGH. That night, I prayed- and my life was changed forever.

After I had gotten my kids to sleep in the room with me, I extricated myself from holding their hands and crossed the room to the mirror. I stared straight into my own eyes. I visualized that Heavenly Father was the one looking at me, and imagined I was speaking straight to Him with all the energy of my soul.

“Heavenly Father,” I began. “I forgive…” and proceeded to name every person and situation that had ever caused me hurt. The last Person I forgave was …Him. And it was so, so hard. I was crying as I said, “Heavenly Father, I forgive You for breaking my heart with that first miscarriage. I forgive You for taking the second miscarriage, too.”

(While it may sound overly dramatic to say He broke my heart with that first miscarriage, I can promise you that it is exactly as I describe. I had fully, 100% trusted Him and the blessing I’d received after I’d started bleeding, where I was promised that “Nothing is wrong.” But when the bleeding worsened and we rushed to the OB, she told me that I’d passed it already…

I’d felt as though God had kicked me in the teeth, right off a mountain, and was laughing as He watched me fall. I’d had to fight for every fraction of an inch of spiritual ground I’d recovered in the four years since the miscarriage, and was still several years away from gaining a beautiful witness of how, truly, nothing WAS wrong… but back to my prayer in the mirror.)

I was openly sobbing at this point, not even aware of my children sleeping just feet away from me. I’m surprised they never woke up and that no one else in the house came to check on me, but I’m grateful they didn’t, as I wasn’t done praying. Now that I’d forgiven, it was time to surrender.

“YOU’LL REGRET THIS,” a fearful thought came.
“I don’t care,” I thought back.

“Heavenly Father, I surrender my will to You.
You can take my life, and I will still trust You.
You can take my marriage, and I will still trust You.
You can take my children, and I WILL STILL TRUST YOU.
You can take my family, my home, my mobility, my health, our livelihood…You can take it all, and I WILL STILL TRUST YOU. Forever.”

Something subtle and deep shifted in the reflected eyes onto which my vision was locked. The desperation was replaced by a peace so sure and deep that I knew this was a defining moment, one which was setting the scene for the rest of my life.

~~~~~~~~~

I have so much more to share, at another time- tangents and backstories and more testimony.

But for now, if there’s just one thing I wish I could impress upon all who read this, it would be: Do not fear to surrender your will to God. Trusting Him unlocks the door to abundant and abiding peace which will endure with you in every trial through which you pass.

I echo the testimony of the prophet Paul: The peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

I also affirm the witness of the prophet Alma: For I DO know that whosoever will put their trust in God will be supported in their trials and their troubles, and their afflictions, and will be lifted up- at not just the last day, but EVERY DAY.

And I share this true witness with you in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

@kelandren3 @iiTzz_Tyrell @BlackBlessedLDS Thank you!!!

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

@kelandren3 @iiTzz_Tyrell @BlackBlessedLDS Do you have a link you could share? 🩵

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

@deseretistan @iiTzz_Tyrell Incredibly awesome story 🩵🩵🩵

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

@jesse_k_fox I just read this story to my family. Thank you for sharing it!

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

@stretchyWombat How wonderful 🥹🩵🩵

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

@FiredUpCoug Here is the “Ball in a Box” analogy:

https://t.co/C8MUOBMApC

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

That’s SO hard, I am so sorry 😢 If my 12-year old son was impacted by the death of a friend, I would:

🔹share some of the trustworthy testimonies of those who have had near-death experiences, specifically aspects of how death for maaaaany people is not scary or painful

🔹use D&C 42:46 as an additional witness: “And it shall come to pass that those that die in me shall not taste of death, for it shall be sweet unto them.”

🔹 I’d remind him that all those who strive to follow Jesus are of His Church, independent of their denominations. I believe that this also extends to those who strive to love those around them, even in non-Christian religions, for “God is love.”

🔹 I’d share this story from a talk by President Benson:

“What is death like? Here is a simple incident as told by Dr. Peter Marshall, chaplain of the United States Senate:

In a certain home, a little boy, the only son, was ill with an incurable disease. Month after month the mother had tenderly nursed him, but as the weeks went by and he grew no better, the little fellow gradually began to understand the meaning of death and he, too, realized that soon he was to die.

One day his mother had been reading the story of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table, and as she closed the book the boy lay silent for a moment, then asked the question that had been laying on his heart. “Mother, what is it like to die? Mother, does it hurt?”

Quick tears filled her eyes. She sprang to her feet and fled to the kitchen, supposedly to go get something. She prayed on the way a silent prayer that the Lord would tell her what to say, and the Lord did tell her. Immediately she knew how to explain it to him.

She said as she returned from the kitchen, “Kenneth, you will remember when you were a little boy, you would play so hard you were too tired to undress and you tumbled into your mother’s bed and fell asleep. In the morning you would wake up and much to your surprise, you would find yourself in your own bed. In the night your father would pick you up in his big strong arms and carry you to your own bedroom.

Kenneth, death is like that; we just wake up one morning to find ourselves in the room where we belong because the Lord Jesus loves us.”

The lad’s shining face looked up and told her there would be no more fear, only love and trust in his heart as he went to meet the Father in heaven. He never questioned again and several weeks later he fell asleep, just as she said. That is what death is like. (See Catherine Marshall, A Man Called Peter (New York: McGraw Hill, 1951), pp. 272–73.)

https://t.co/xKiNssv5V1

🔹 I would ask my husband to give my son a blessing

🔹 I would share with my son the “ball in a box” analogy of grief. I’ll post it in a reply. 🩵

🔹 And I would pray with him about ways to serve the friend’s family. ❤️‍🩹🩵🩵🩵

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

@StarTether @RykerJackson97 My husband served there in the early 2010s. Did you know the amazing Sister Noi or her husband, Brother Wisanbannawit? I wonder if everyone who’s served there met them at some point 🩵

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

@StarTether @RykerJackson97 Thailand? 👀What years?

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

@TFloodeen What an incredible testimony!! 🩵🩵🩵

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

@IronRodWarrior @Rav_Truelight Praying that they and their family will all be divinely sustained throughout their challenges ❤️‍🩹😢🩵

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

@CerebralCereal0 @otarumorumotto @realHoid @STEELmorMAN Cerebral, I’d be really grateful to read about your grandpa’s experience in a DM, if you feel comfortable with that 🩵

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

@FiredUpCoug @Manhattva @TishToshTesh What someone intended for evil (their own selfishness and dishonesty), the Lord turned to your good. It’s so cool that you have the discernment to recognize this blessing in disguise- that requires a lot of faith and humility. Good for you brother 🥹🩵

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

@jmbrim3 @ferrell_travis @thesurefoundtn @NauvooSpice That was fantastic, thank you!

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

@skylergentry801 And what a tremendous testimony you bear of the Savior’s impossibly incredible power to heal us as we turn our hearts over to Him 🩵🥹🥹

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

@skylergentry801 Skyler, you are such a precious soul. I’m so glad to know you. 🩵🩵

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

@FiredUpCoug That is heartbreaking 😢

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

@Matt_Pinner @chaimbeuil *frantically raises hand, Hermione style*

*shares screenshot summaries*

*includes an extended family member’s 7-generation family tree from Family Search to show how awesome it is*

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

@WonderWomaNinja This was a huge huuuuge part of my journey!

https://t.co/eWWKFHoZi0

[All-In Louise @CauseOfTruth]

As of the last two semesters, and culminating today, I am a lifelong fan of @TAMU 🥹🥹🥹🩵🩵🩵 I have so many more things to say about this soon. So much love to this amazing university and the angelically heroic students and staff in their biomedical engineering program 🥹🥹🥹