Claudia ♥

Sarcastic Bitch.

[Claudia ♥ @Cee_lala_]

Oh shhhhut uuuup!!! @DanceMomHolly #DanceMoms

[Ryan @mjkspeaks]

Love is like the "plus shipping and handling" of sex.

[Josh @iwearaonesie]

"UNLESS WE'RE OUT OF CHEESE THERE'S NO REASON TO SCREAM LIKE THAT!"

- me to my kid whenever he throws a tantrum

[Wayward Son @demon_disguise]

Sometimes it’s the one you would do anything for that won’t do enough to keep you

[Sorta.Maleficent @xosm]

The men I admire most are women.

[Claudia ♥ @Cee_lala_]

@Nexxita lol ...all of a sudden today I just have the urge to clean and cook

[Claudia ♥ @Cee_lala_]

@Nexxita I stopped doing things around the house til about 6 months preg when I quit working

[Claudia ♥ @Cee_lala_]

@Nexxita haha...I think I'm "nesting"

[Claudia ♥ @Cee_lala_]

@Nexxita haha...if only I had the strength

[Claudia ♥ @Cee_lala_]

Did I mention I'm also growing your baby!! #9monthspregnant

[Claudia ♥ @Cee_lala_]

Laundry done, house cleaned, fridge stocked, dinner made, kids' homework finished... Husband gets home..

-him: what'd you do all day, babe?

[Marcmywords @Marcmywords2]

Your wife/girlfriend doesn't give
a fuck about your fantasy football
team.

#truthfultuesday

[Silenced Monk @OffsideMonk]

Sometimes the person you love just doesn't understand how much you love them . .

[Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn]

...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.

[Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn]

Please, don't be uncomfortable with me staring at your breasts during this interview; be uncomfortable because you can't see my hands.

[Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn]

Called my neighbor to help me with some bats in my attic, so I asked him to bring a flashlight.

He heard fleshlight...we're still partying.

[Casey Duncan @caseytduncan]

"Hey, it's me." (Every single person on every single voicemail)

[Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn]

Every day I put my posts/tweets on the fridge with the kid's magnets. It's a great way to teach them about life...and sarcasm.