Paul Walker

A Smile and Hat Tip to everything from the absurdly dynamic to the dynamically absurd.
Fictional comedy combined with current events.
Satire.

[Paul Walker @CellosSuits]

Keith Richards interview:

‘I gave up cigarettes, heroin, cocaine... but I still like a drink’
@Telegraph
https://t.co/cj1LtmZ0MQ

[Open Source Intel @Osint613]

Iran’s Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi:

The Strait of Hormuz is, without a doubt, under the sovereignty of Iran and Oman. There is no international waterway in the Strait of Hormuz.

For many years, this waterway was open to all ships. Iran and Oman ensured its security and provided services; until now, all services were free of charge.

However, the future management of the Strait of Hormuz will not be like the past. No one can challenge Iran and Oman's sovereignty over the strait.

The management of the Strait of Hormuz will not return to the pre-war system.

[RealClearPolitics @RCPolitics]

Gabbard: Fauci, Biden Admin Threatened Those Who Attempted To Expose U.S.-Funded Foreign Gain-of-Function Biolabs https://t.co/GQX7KAimcU

[Open Source Intel @Osint613]

Araghchi: According to international laws, it is not possible to collect tolls from the Strait of Hormuz, but the service fee will be charged and this will be fixed in the negotiations.

[Sky News @SkyNews]

Ukraine's continued strikes on fuel supplies to Crimea have sparked the worst fuel crisis on the Russian-held peninsula since it was illegally annexed by Russia in 2014

https://t.co/AGpronIlnj

[Open Source Intel @Osint613]

Iran’s Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi:

The United States' nuclear-related demands in this stage were absolutely unacceptable to us.

[The Kobeissi Letter @KobeissiLetter]

BREAKING: The S&P 500 officially closes the day +0.5% higher as SpaceX, $SPCX, ends its first day of trading with a +19% gain.

[Vatican News @VaticanNews]

Pope Leo XIV issued an appeal to human traffickers, exploiters and criminal networks involved in the movement and abuse of vulnerable people. "Stop. Repent," he said, in a meeting with organisations working with migrants in Tenerife.

"Break those chains and free those you hold in bondage," he insisted. "Return what has been taken and make amends as much as you can. Repent while there is still time, for God’s mercy can reach even the most hardened sinner, but it enters only through the narrow gate of truth, justice and conversion"

[Pope Leo XIV @Pontifex]

From this square, I wish to address a clear message to those who take advantage of people’s desperation, to those who organize death routes, traffic in human beings, withhold documents, exploit workers, threaten women, deceive families, and turn the suffering of others into a business. Stop! Repent! (Mk 1:15) #ApostolicJourney
https://t.co/IrsQtXTJuu

[DOW Rapid Response @DOWResponse]

https://t.co/TbxVrMi9QD

[The White House @WhiteHouse]

🛸 New drop: https://t.co/kWE5tvdY9H

FBI-UAP-PR003, “ORBS OVER THE POND,” 2024

[DNI Tulsi Gabbard @DNIGabbard]

Today, I’m releasing never before seen intelligence revealing new evidence of past US government funding for more than 120 biolabs in over 30 countries, including Ukraine.

In support of President Trump‘s Executive Order to end federal funding of dangerous gain of function research around the world, and increase transparency and accountability, ODNI will continue working with partners across the Administration to identify where these labs are, what pathogens they contain, and what “research” is being conducted.

https://t.co/pLMD0krc69

[Holger Zschaepitz @Schuldensuehner]

OOPS! Margin debt as a % of M2 is now at its 2nd highest level in history, just behind the Dot Com Bubble. https://t.co/9fUrvUCVfO

[Faytuks Network @FaytuksNetwork]

Iran’s Mehr News (IRGC-affiliated) reports that a memorandum of understanding with the U.S. includes commitments to lift sanctions, withdraw U.S. forces from around Iran, and lift the naval blockade.

[Faytuks Network @FaytuksNetwork]

Iranian media outlet Mehr, citing a source close to Iran’s negotiating team, published what it says are new details from a reported 14-point draft memorandum between Iran and the U.S.

According to the report, the draft includes an immediate and permanent halt to fighting on all fronts, including Lebanon; a U.S. pledge not to interfere in Iran’s internal affairs; the lifting of a maritime blockade within 30 days; and a U.S. commitment to withdraw forces from areas around Iran.

The reported draft also calls for reopening the Strait of Hormuz within 30 days under Iranian arrangements, suspending sanctions on Iranian oil, petrochemical products and related revenues, and making Iranian financial resources fully accessible.

Mehr says the draft includes 60 days of negotiations toward a final agreement covering nuclear issues, full sanctions relief, reconstruction of Iran’s economy, and the fate of enriched material and enrichment.

The report says $24 billion in frozen Iranian funds would be released during the 60-day negotiation period, with half made available before talks begin.

According to Mehr, the draft excludes Iran’s missile program and support for “resistance groups” from the agenda, and any final agreement would be endorsed through a UN Security Council resolution.

Mehr adds that the text still requires review and final approval by the relevant Iranian institutions.

[Faytuks Network @FaytuksNetwork]

This is not true.

[Open Source Intel @Osint613]

JUST IN

Iran’s Mehr: The proposed memorandum of understanding with the U.S. reportedly includes lifting sanctions, ending the naval blockade, and the withdrawal of U.S. forces positioned around Iran.

(Iranian report, not confirmed by U.S. yet)

[Holger Zschaepitz @Schuldensuehner]

Good Morning from Germany, where corporate insolvencies keep climbing: Courts registered 2,308 business bankruptcies in March 2026, up 15.8% YoY, and highest since 2013. Consumer insolvencies jumped even more sharply, by 18.9%. The squeeze on Germany’s economy is far from over.

[Open Source Intel @Osint613]

The IDF says its air force struck roughly 310 Hezbollah targets in southern Lebanon and eliminated around 80 operatives. Ground forces are simultaneously operating along the forward defense line to destroy terror infrastructure and remove threats to Israeli civilians and troops in the area.

[Open Source Intel @Osint613]

The year is 2028.

Trump just announced that the deal with Iran is about to be signed this weekend.

Iran says it is reviewing the final text.

The U.S. says discussions are constructive.

Pakistan says a breakthrough is imminent.

Qatar says it is honored to have played a constructive role in facilitating the talks. Qatar did not facilitate the talks.

Israel says it learned about the deal from Truth Social.

Hezbollah in southern Lebanon is still getting bombed daily.

Axios reports a rift between Netanyahu and Trump. The White House denies it. Trump then posts a photo of himself and Netanyahu. Netanyahu is not in the photo.

Oil jumps 3%.

Then falls 4%.

Trump says the deal is being signed at the request of Pakistan and Field Marshal Syed Asim Munir, who Trump describes as “one of the great generals, maybe the greatest, people are saying.”

A senior official says we’re “closer than ever.”

A different senior official says “significant gaps remain.”

They work in the same office.

The next round of talks is scheduled for next weekend.

It will also be described as a breakthrough.

Qatar thanks Pakistan for its important role and takes credit for the progress.

[Blue Georgia @BlueGeorgia]

CNN montage of all the times Trump announced deals with Iran.

Anderson Cooper: Today marks 39 times that he has said something like that.