Chelsea Holland Kaplan

Fix your hearts or die.

[Chelsea Holland Kaplan @ChelseaBHolland]

@lloydkaufman This is one of my favorites!

[Chelsea Holland Kaplan @ChelseaBHolland]

@HawkBony Wait where’s the link for this, I wanna see mine lol

[Chelsea Holland Kaplan @ChelseaBHolland]

@justsumsexygirl Wait, I’m married and didn’t delete my pics with exes, I look cute in those and hubby never said anything 😂

[Chelsea Holland Kaplan @ChelseaBHolland]

@sheepthemeep @folkloverry She grew up in Pacific Palisades, this lyric references the fires

[Chelsea Holland Kaplan @ChelseaBHolland]

Seems like the best solution to student loan debt is suicide but correct me if I’m wrong. I’m sure a lot of you would cheer, since all I get on here is MAGA hate and rape threats

[NEW YORK KNICKS @nyknicks]

NEW YORK FOREVER
WE DID THIS TOGETHER
THE CITY'S ALIVE
KNICKS IN FIVE

[Chelsea Holland Kaplan @ChelseaBHolland]

I’m out. I get zero engagement here and Threads is a lot more fun. Considering the no engagement thing I doubt anyone cares but if anyone is on Threads find me at chelseahollandcomedy.

[Chelsea Holland Kaplan @ChelseaBHolland]

@vapingwaifus1 @lost_histories @elenabrooksxx Gravity does that to naturals regardless of age

[Chelsea Holland Kaplan @ChelseaBHolland]

Star Wars is antifascist ya dumb fucks

[The White House @WhiteHouse]

In a galaxy that demands strength - America stands ready.

This is the way. May the 4th be with you.

[Chelsea Holland Kaplan @ChelseaBHolland]

Pretty sure this is also why all of my exes broke up with me.

[Stranger News @StrangerNews11]

Random fact of the day:

The lead singer of Jamiroquai, Jay Kay, once broke up with Winona Ryder because her breasts were too big and she wanted to have sex all the time.

[Chelsea Holland Kaplan @ChelseaBHolland]

With all due respect, kids have plenty of time to read over the summer. What about one of these for adults?!

[People @people]

Pizza Hut's 'BOOK IT!' Summer Reading Program Returns to Provide Voracious Young Readers with Pizza Parties and More https://t.co/k7LZLaDSMy

[Governor Newsom Press Office (parody) @AwesomeNewsom]

I, GAVIN C. NEWSOM, WILL NOT ALLOW DONALD'S PHOTO IN OUR PASSPORTS. TRAVELLING IS STRESSFUL ENOUGH. WE DON'T NEED TO SCREAM IN HORROR OR LOSE OUR APPETITE EVERY TIME WE OPEN OUR PASSPORTS. THE JOY OF TRAVEL IS ESCAPISM. HOW CAN WE ESCAPE IF THE ORANGE FUNGUS IS ALWAYS AMONG US?

[Chelsea Holland Kaplan @ChelseaBHolland]

Tanguy Destable is three kids in a trenchcoat

[Pop Crave @PopCrave]

Natalie Portman is pregnant with her third child, her first with partner Tanguy Destable.

[Tom Zohar @TomZohar]

Did Beanie Feldstein draw this

[Chelsea Holland Kaplan @ChelseaBHolland]

@CaptainSeas @offbeatorbit To be fair LA has pretty terrible public transportation so it is a nice gesture if someone offers but I wouldn’t feel comfortable demanding it

[Chelsea Holland Kaplan @ChelseaBHolland]

@CaptainSeas @offbeatorbit I know a girl in LA who expects the guy to get her an Uber there and back. I never felt hot enough to get away with it personally 🤣

[soup🌱 @thrluv]

id survive scream because i don’t answer the phone ever

[Chelsea Holland Kaplan @ChelseaBHolland]

@electionsjoe She turned on Trump awhile ago. She’s still an awful person but it does give some hope that some of his previous loyalists are defecting

[Chelsea Holland Kaplan @ChelseaBHolland]

When Marjorie Taylor Greene and I agree, you know things are crazy.

[Former Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene🇺🇸 @FmrRepMTG]

25TH AMENDMENT!!!
Not a single bomb has dropped on America. We cannot kill an entire civilization.
This is evil and madness.

[Chelsea Holland Kaplan @ChelseaBHolland]

@CaptainSeas He totally did! When I saw him it was clearly a band for hire and they dropped their instruments and left the stage the second the last scheduled song was done. He then did an acapella “My Way” 🤣