Wicked Chisel

Word-brooding nerd. Anxiety ridden, old joke telling, lady loving, leg tapping, high-score zapping, vegetarian, procrastinator excellente. And general weirdo.

[Sir Michael @Michael1979]

PROS & CONS OF GOING SWIMMING

PROS
-Refreshing
-Good exercise
-May discover lost city of Atlantis

CONS
-A lady might see the athletic physique I've honed from my karate training & demand to marry me, which could distract me from my karate career

CONCLUSION: Not worth the risk

[TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) @TechnicallyRon]

"Donald, we've brought you here today to ask you one simple question, what the fuck are you doing you massive twat"

[Wicked Chisel @Chicken_Whistle]

@Pirokokun Looks derricious https://t.co/Jt9lReBtIH

[Wicked Chisel @Chicken_Whistle]

@Pirokokun Yeah, it goes:
-over there
-overlap
-overwatch
-overboard
-over the rainbow
-overcooked
-over my dead body
-overlady
-oversquish

[Wicked Chisel @Chicken_Whistle]

I've started a new religion called Squishology! Praise the almighty Lady Squish! https://t.co/8gZlm1xmYS #ReligiousIdle

[Wicked Chisel @Chicken_Whistle]

@Pirokokun Hmm, I guess I'm the oversquish.

[Wicked Chisel @Chicken_Whistle]

@Pirokokun Lol. I shall make you an honorary squish bishop.

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

TIME TRAVELER:Be careful, interaction could change history
ME:Got it, ride dinosaurs very carefully
TT:Nope. No. You cannot ride dinosaurs
M:Oh, ok, only ride 1 dinosaur
TT:Zero dinosaurs
M:Gotcha. I understand
TT:You’re still holding a giant saddle
M:…This is for something else

[TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) @TechnicallyRon]

Lifehack: Turn any noun into an insult by simply putting 'You absolute' before it.
Examples:
You absolute drum
You absolute fridge
You absolute shed
You absolute goose
You absolute bollard

[Wicked Chisel @Chicken_Whistle]

@Pirokokun The new Jurassic Park Movie looks awesome! :D https://t.co/A1RZWGKhKi

[Wicked Chisel @Chicken_Whistle]

@Pirokokun
As you can see, this is me when I first get out of bed in the morning xxx https://t.co/z8QXMHmHGy

[Wicked Chisel @Chicken_Whistle]

@Pirokokun
Hedgejog.
Ruuuuuuun! https://t.co/KE3cvNYBqo

[The Poke @ThePoke]

‘If the person who named Walkie Talkies named other stuff’ – our 36 favourites https://t.co/oZsH0LNW3Y

[Wicked Chisel @Chicken_Whistle]

@Pirokokun https://t.co/M63IqdxaFA

[StokeyLitFest @StokeyLitFest]

@KateClanchy1 @CamillaElworthy

[Wicked Chisel @Chicken_Whistle]

@Pirokokun Isn't it just! Apparently a 13 year old wrote that!
Happy world poetry day! xxx

[Wicked Chisel @Chicken_Whistle]

@Pirokokun Saw this and thought of you xxx https://t.co/8MZOH6tJt2

[Kate Clanchy @KateClanchy1]

Flora is thirteen, which is ridiculous.

[Shit Jokes @ShitJokes]

Midwife for sale.

Can deliver.

[Orchard Pig @Orchardpig]

Where are you on the map? 🗺️

[Wicked Chisel @Chicken_Whistle]

@Pirokokun Gotcha bag for life ready? https://t.co/npFE8KAxEa

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

Handy #snowday shopping list:
-8,000 tea bags
-Everything in canned goods aisle
-All the bread
-400 pints of milk
-Enough booze to fill shed
-50 Easter eggs
-12kg of cheese
-A whole trolley of crisps/sweets
-One small bag of lettuce

#uksnow