Theresa Wilson

You can dream about it. Or you can go out and make it happen.

[Patricia Bruton @leboshkinak]

Homework: Because 7 hours of school wasn't enough.

[Rhonda Lee @92Kolukhaev]

Checking your phone to see what time it is and checking it again because the first time you weren't paying attention

[Christina Hobson @bashtannikov88]

Did you make it home safely? "No, I died 15 times."

[Judith Snow @khotyantsev]

It would help if they taught English majors how to center the cheese on a McDonald's cheeseburger.

[Nell Sanchez @ArzamasovaMaya]

There's a special place in Hell reserved for people who use hashtags on Facebook.

[Lorrie Rippy @7_kolomenetsr]

If you ever get sad, think of a T -Rex trying to masturbate

[Theresa Wilson @ChumenkovMr]

If bartenders can't serve drunk people, then how come McDonalds can serve fat people?

[Theresa Wilson @ChumenkovMr]

But Honey, if I stop eating this third bowl of Cap'n Crunch just because the roof of my mouth is bleeding, then the terrorists have won.

[Marianne Macomber @balatkina74]

Once you take my kindness for weakness, I will be a permanent asshole to you.

[Theresa Wilson @ChumenkovMr]

Throwing lamps at people who need to lighten up.

[Theresa Wilson @ChumenkovMr]

Why Black People think you'll remember a person if they say a name Twice? "You remember Steve?" "Steve who?" "Steve Steve"

[Theresa Wilson @ChumenkovMr]

Me + = Don't try to talk to me.

[Theresa Wilson @ChumenkovMr]

I was going to look for my watch, but I couldn't find the time.

[Theresa Wilson @ChumenkovMr]

I hope Snooki doesn't have any problems delivering her baby. She'd hate to hear the doctor say "We've got a little situation here..."

[Theresa Wilson @ChumenkovMr]

That awkward moment when you spell a word so wrong even autocorrect can`t figure out what you meant.

[Linda Bryant @sapeleva]

If McDonald's is the official restaurant of the Olympics, cigarettes might as well be the official medicine of cancer.

[Terry Richards @illyuminarskiy1]

Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.

[Leah Brown @3Gkamanova]

This is that awkward moment when we don't tweet about those usual awkward moment tweets.

[Theresa Wilson @ChumenkovMr]

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

[Della Irvin @nichiporchuk]

When you drop something right in front of you and it completely disappears.