Linda Bryant

Do hugs, not drugs. Spread love, not legs. Respect, don't judge. Listen more, talk less. Understand, don't assume.

[Julia Flowers @vdrymov]

Minnie told Mickey that she wants a divorce. Mickey said, "Bitch are you fucking crazy!?" She said "Nah, I'm fucking Goofy"

[Patricia Troia @apreliyasloboz1]

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

[Rita Duplessis @94Mefodiy]

"Don't try this at home" Okay, I will try it at my friend's place.

[Cheryl Collins @ipochkarev]

"God created war so that Americans would learn geography." - Mark Twain

[Lindsay Atchison @stverdislav]

A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it. A stupid person makes it.

[Linda Bryant @sapeleva]

Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.

[Eva Lane @radiydubikovsk1]

Dear Michael Jordan please start making condoms so these people will start wearing them..

[Linda Bryant @sapeleva]

"Because snow isn't cold enough."

[Linda Bryant @sapeleva]

"Here, I think this clip from the movie Alien will give you an idea."

[Shari Harrison @alya_gordo]

"I'd like a $5 dollar footlong"....."That'll be 7.05"....."Bitch what??

[Linda Bryant @sapeleva]

The one day I try to be nicer, Is the one day that everyone decides to be a bitch.

[Linda Bryant @sapeleva]

The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

[Heather Nelson @KorzhinPolikarp]

When I've already said what? three times and still have no idea what the person said, so I just agree.

[Linda Bryant @sapeleva]

Saying you'll wake up EARLY to get something done... then when you wake up, convincing yourself it's not important.

[Daniella Sowers @CoolErida]

Ignorance is bliss... unless you have a wife who keeps making you aware of it.

[Linda Bryant @sapeleva]

I wish my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply.

[Melissa Gulbranson @tapolkin87]

To Do List: 1) Buy a turtle 2) Name it 'The speed of light' 3) Be able to honestly say I can run faster than the speed of light.

[Linda Bryant @sapeleva]

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.

[Linda Bryant @sapeleva]

In Hell you can't untag pictures of yourself.

[Linda Bryant @sapeleva]

"My memory is so bad..." "How bad is it?" "...How bad is what?"