Lindsay Atchison

No matter how bad your past is, looking back will never change anything. Just look ahead.

[Lindsay Atchison @stverdislav]

How do frogs die? They Kermit suicide.

[Deborah Frampton @9Fkushneruk]

Horror movies don't scare me. But eight missed calls from my mom does.

[Mary Todd @msibilla1]

Free advice is worth what you paid for it.

[Lois Josephson @ZhelibaY9]

That awkward moment when one twin calls the other twin ugly.

[Lindsay Atchison @stverdislav]

A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it. A stupid person makes it.

[Lindsay Atchison @stverdislav]

Dear stomach, you're bored, not hungry. Shut up, please.

[Beatrice Gosha @vtanilya]

I saw a man at the beach yelling. "Help, shark! Help!" I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

[Victoria Kite @KletsinMs]

Every Morning: Me: "I really can't stay." Bed: "But baby, it's cold outside."

[Vanessa Morton @97Dosa]

Something about your face attracts my fist.

[Lindsay Atchison @stverdislav]

"You should've come with us!" "Well, inviting me would've been nice..."

[Michele Hobbs @GorgoniySuper]

I wonder if the clothes in China say, 'Made around the corner.'

[Lindsay Atchison @stverdislav]

The cost of not following your heart, is spending the rest of your life ... wishing you had.

[Lindsay Atchison @stverdislav]

Voldermort: "So all I have to do is lie?" Pinocchio: "Yup."

[Delores Morgan @SeynaVip]

That awkward moment when you spell a word so wrong even autocorrect can`t figure out what you meant.

[May Vanburen @rikyvpanve]

That awesome moment when the whole class laughed at what you said, so you just sit there like a boss.

[Lois Josephson @ZhelibaY9]

I don't care if it's 5am. I don't consider it "tomorrow" until I wake up.

[Lindsay Atchison @stverdislav]

When I'm depressed I cut myself.... a piece of cake

[Lindsay Atchison @stverdislav]

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it is called golf.

[Lindsay Atchison @stverdislav]

A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it. A stupid person makes it.