Collin Dahlgren

Homeschool Bully turned High School Heartthrob.

[Collin Dahlgren @Collinoscopy]

@stabthree Hot dog finger wife

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@RealSkipBayless HOW ABOUT THAT INTERCEPTION!!

[Collin Dahlgren @Collinoscopy]

Welcome to my Only Fans page

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@mmpadellan What were their jump shots like?

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@elonmusk Fold

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@SchwartzUgh You tell ‘em David!

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HE MADE A HOLOGRAM OF HIS WIFE’S DEAD FATHER FOR HER 40th BIRTHDAY AND THEN A YEAR LATER SHE’S FUCKING PETE DAVIDSO…

[Collin Dahlgren @Collinoscopy]

SO THE ENTROPY OF DIFFERENT OBJECTS ARE GOING FORWARD IN TIME, AND SOME ARE GOING BACKWARDS! AND EVEN THOUGH ROBERT PATTINSON SAVED THE LIFE OF THE PROTAGONIST BEFORE THEY MET, THE PROTAGONIST IS THE ONE WHO RECRUITED ROBERT PATTINSON IN THE FIRST PLACE!

[Collin Dahlgren @Collinoscopy]

@_sarah_mags_ I will definitely go to the Sam Goody to pick it up pick it up pick it up

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@_sarah_mags_ At least tag the man. Coward.

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@Ted_Sablay @shillasian I did not film this.

[Collin Dahlgren @Collinoscopy]

@WellsFargo Thank you for chancing upon my tweet. If you liked it, feel free to retweet

[Alan Linic @AlanLinic]

Excited to share the stage with so many of my favorite funny people this Friday! It's Big City Boyfriend's first night of 2PROV at 6 PM. Last week the lights went out mid show and a fire hydrant exploded outside the parking lot--who knows what will happen this time around

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@alanfgiles @AlanLinic @itskatelambert @laurentholly @katie_newshoes The dare element is crucial

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We are getting dangerously close to a future where guns are surgically inserted into pregnant women so the baby can shoot it’s way out.

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The Highland Park shooter is named Robert Crimo THE THIRD, and that pisses me off in a whole new and different way.

[Collin Dahlgren @Collinoscopy]

For the Barbie movie, Ryan Gosling’s going method and sanding his crotch down to a smooth plastic like surface.

[Collin Dahlgren @Collinoscopy]

@_sarah_mags_ Do what I do when I think about Tom Hanks dying. Micro-grieve.

[Collin Dahlgren @Collinoscopy]

Just jerked off and killed millions of potential kids. How am I still allowed to do this?

[Collin Dahlgren @Collinoscopy]

Did this occur to anyone else? #BarryHBO #Barry