Dead Pan Nick

24/7/365 Observer. Picture-taker. Frequent participant. Occasional make-happener. Bowling. Clouds.

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

When I said I was "down to earth," I meant that I am like a hungarian goose feather comforter, lain upon the earth.

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

When you can't quite identify the flavor, it's hydrogen peroxide.

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

@Hilbe ah-EE-wah

[Skurt Vonnegut @ThisLocalHater]

My therapist brought up boundaries just as I was playing with his hair

[Mr. Make It Happen @SupportThaNawf]

We have to say “Mississippi” after each number

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

What, and I cannot stress this enough, time is it.

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

Hard candy is for suckers

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

@DeMar_DeRozan Yes. And it's not just the hope that's false or the smiles that are fake, but *everything* feels corny and hollow. The whole of existence is a phony lie. Which makes it all the more ironic that your words can feel so real to so many; they expose the lies of the darkness.

[Trey @treydayway]

4 years old and she's already slamming doors... I'm not religious but pray for me

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

@jmthrivept

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

@jmthrivept Ron Dayne - Bronco
Montee Ball - Bronco
Melvin Gordon - Bronco
...

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

Twitter I will always love you

Do you remember when you joined X? I do! #MyXAnniversary

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

Also: Waiting in line. These interesting people-types somehow enjoy it. Gen Z is a throwback.

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

Gen Z is first generation in a minute who earnestly believes in entering contests. Where are you at, publishers clearinghouse.

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

Gen Z is first generation in a minute who earnestly believes in entering contests. Where are you at, publishers clearinghouse.

[Horned Sphere @Horned_Sphere]

That new Nathan Fielder movie had the hipster theater hootin and hollerin like a black church last night

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

It takes some serious intentional naivety to call willful ignorance by any other name

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

Hard work is only hard because you aren't getting paid enough to do it.

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

It's one thing to get a golf tee stuck in a nostril. Shit happens. But if you've got a golf tee in each nostril, that's a pattern. Wake up.

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

@JimmyTraina One of his very first shows was in Boulder and he didn't know shit about Boulder. I'm not sure he knows shit about shit.

[Mina Kimes @minakimes]

Me when my parents rented DEEP IMPACT from Blockbuster

[Velodus 🦃🍁 @velodus]

*flirting* You're the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on in the Statcast era