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[Gabriel Oguda @gabrieloguda]

You're waking up to the news that the El Nino rains were so mad when your favourite God chosen locust downgraded its forecast to a miniscule trickle, that it decided to show him the painful effects of harbouring a lying tongue, two sides of the mouth, and a PhD that has not been helping him since he acquired it those days he was still the God chosen salt of the evangelical church in Kenya. 

Today's papers are reporting that across the seven corners of this country -  from Buna in Wajir where a KDF chopper crash landed immeadiately after takeoff yesterday, to Mawego in the Greater Rachuonyo that gave us Archilaus Akuba Banana Is Hard To Climb, and even in Kataboi, that resort city along the shores of Lake Turkana where I nimbled on freshly marinated northlands fish that had gone to school - helpless villages are sinking, hapless household members are sending distress calls, while their hopeless counterparts are moving to higher grounds in search of God, whom we were told used to live in State House, until some intercessors started mocking Him with tongues of deceit reeling lies like an electic sewing machine. 

This morning, when I tuned into Radio Nam Lolwe (Radio Lake Victoria) to brush up my heavy Dholuo vocabulary which has been struggling since I bit my tongue when I was asked to read a Bible verse from the Dholuo Holy Book three days ago, I was particularly concerned by the number of calls coming in from Seme asking the radio room to kindly inform the Kenya Red Cross regional office to stop addressing the media and rush to the banks of Awach River, stretching as higher up in Kolenyo through to my Kombija clan in Alwala and round the bend emptying into Lake Victoria around the Ralayo delta. 

If you know anyone at the Kenya Red Cross and the Kenya Red Crescent Societies, in Kisumu, in Nyanza, in Kenya and in the Diaspora, kindly inform them that my people have sent me to tell them that they're needed on the ground, not later than 1600hrs Luo East Standard Time (LEAST) today, urgently, and without fail.

I will keep sending this El Nino alert until someone actions up, because Seme is where my umbilical cord was buried, and I wouldnt want to see it floating downstream as it would atrract an irreversible curse on all those who slept on the El Nino job, including your favourite God chosen Mkora The Explorer who is currently smiling sheepishly halfway around the world where he has gone to borrow money from international shylocks he used to call bad names those days when hustlers thought that the devil is found only on the Manchester United club logo.

As for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.

[Timothy @OnTim_ndemo]

@WChebukati @parlicentre Which best practice can you give? Those inviting you are mediocre

[THE TRIBE @ElfuTango]

The reason why buying Education plan qualifies to be called a gift of love @Cool29Insurance

[Wafula Chebukati EGH @WChebukati]

Congratulations son on earning your MBA from USIU Africa. Your hard work and dedication has paid off, and the family is proud of you!

[Timothy @OnTim_ndemo]

@WChebukati Congratulations to your son but for you Bure kabisa! Two elections bungled under your watch...

[COOL29 @Cool29Insurance]

@awkariuki ,

[COOL29 @Cool29Insurance]

@omwambaKE 399 people

[Manliness Norms ⚡ @ManlinessNorms]

By age 40, you should be smart enough to realize this:

1. Stay silent. Not everything needs to be said.

[Hon. Caleb Amisi, MP @Honcalebamisi]

A military coup in #niger leaves no blood,not even an ion of blood behind. A peaceful demonstration in #kenya leaves 50 dead, hundreds wounded and hospitalised, and thousands imprisoned.We needed Napoleon Bonarpater before thinking of economic advancement .Africa was still immature for democracy. If you agree, please LIKE ,if you don't agree, silence is a weapon too.
#Ethiopia
#Sudan
#saganastatelodge
#ECOWAS
#karimkhan
#SupremeCourt

[DHOLUO DICTIONARY , PhD @Thriving_luos]

Hezekiah Ochuka Senior Private 01-08-1982
The brave man who died with his head high, He told Oteyo to shut up when he started sobbing.He took his favourite WHISKY before being hanged in 1987
JaNyakach Oywa Ngori

[Donald B Kipkorir @DonaldBKipkorir]

The charge sheet against Pauline Njoroge is by a politically excited Policeman … No Prosecutor from @ODPP_KE will draft such pre-2010 charges. No sane Magistrate will convict Pauline on the charges. The Watamu Court Magistrate has a duty to quash the charges today & acquit her.

[Donald B Kipkorir @DonaldBKipkorir]

Before modern DNA technology, rogue Police could “plant “ evidence on innocent people … But modern technology can show whose fingerprints, hair strand, spit, sweat or cloth fiber are on the exhibits & show a perfect time on chain of custody! Technology frees the innocent.

[Edwin Sifuna @edwinsifuna]

When can Kenyans expect you to deploy against the price of unga @KindikiKithure ?

A whole lawyer taking pride in frustrating the exercise of Constitutionally guaranteed rights. Shame on you! Tukutane 12:59

[Donald B Kipkorir @DonaldBKipkorir]

A Governor admits al Shabaab occupies 60% of Kenya’s North Eastern. Instead of our security apparatus focusing on liberating our country, they’re busy planting narcotics on a girl. In African traditional rules of war, women were never fought even if they found in battle fields!

[Njeri Thorne @NjeriBt]

-The price of unga is high
Arrest Pauline.
-We're not happy with taxes
Uhuru son has guns
-Fuel hike is finishing us
Raila wants power
Ladies and gentlemen, this here is the problem..

[Njeri Thorne @NjeriBt]

Hi @DCI_Kenya, are we allowed to criticise Ruto administration without being arrested? Just checking. Please clarify.

[Hon Robert ALAI, HSC @RobertAlai]

The killing of Luos in Kisumu while diplomatic communities watch and celebrate is wrong.

The killings should never be forgiven.

And you can’t charge everyone who criticise you with drugs. It’s wrong for Kenya Kwanza to think they can shoot people into submission.

Be careful where you take the country.

[THE TRIBE @ElfuTango]

Raymond Omolo,Eliud Owalo and others luos who purports to be in this administration how will you come home and what will you tell your people, how will you convince them that you were not part of those who massacred them#LuoMassacre

[Vincent Agutu @AgutuJulius]

I'm a LUO FIRST, being KENYAN comes SECOND. Therefore,don't expect me to be silent when my people are being massacred. No amount of money can make me turn against my people and watch them being butchered to please my masters.

Shame on you Raymond!
Shame on you Ojienda!

[Vincent Agutu @AgutuJulius]

To my Luo brothers and sisters:

Kenyatta killed us together with our best leaders but didn't silence us.He too died.

Nyayo tortured and killed our best leaders but didn't silence us.We buried him in 2020.

Kibaki the same.

The one killing us now will equally FAIL and go.