Chris Newcome

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

@stoolpresidente If my reputation was dependent on deciphering what this girl was saying, I’d be f@cked.

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

@SharpFootball You forgot number of appearances on the hit show Ballers. That’s gotta account for something, right?

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

Hot Take: Trump targets pardons and upperdecking a toilet as he prepares to leave White House.

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

Will Trump upperdeck a toilet in the White House as a parting gift?

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

Wake me up when it’s acceptable to wear a red hat again.

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

@adamcarolla Same but 2016

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

@SarahKSilverman Why would you want to.

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

ESPN is the new CNN

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

Fauci sounds like a pasta noodle I haven’t tried yet.

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

@AndyLazarus ‘You got about 5 minutes to get outta here right now.’ Classic

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

@EddieIfft 💯Ant

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

@realDonaldTrump Who’s on First?

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

Someone get this jackass out of office, please. I’m lookin at you Mayor McCheese.

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

@EddieIfft Formula 1: Drive to Survive on Netflix has been a nice change of pace.

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

@pardonmycrumbs D: 100% 100%

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

@adamcarolla Bonus points for Cousin Sal’s era specific Jerky Boys shirt.

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

First US case of Wuhan Coronavirus confirmed by the CDC. Experts believe it was contracted without a lime.

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

First US case of Wuhan Coronavirus confirmed by the CDC. Experts believe it was contracted with a lime.

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

Someone let me know that I was one of his better friends. I feel like I got a participation trophy in the Best Friend Contest. #BestFriendRunnerUp🏅

[Chris Newcome @CoolHandNewc]

@BillSimmons I might as well be looking at hieroglyphics here. Is this good or bad? #AskingForAFriend