Christina Roberts

I shoot people for a living ☢️

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

Life sucks sometimes but at least my name is in Freek-a-Leek and no one can take that away from me

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

My boss came in my office and said “man I’m so tired and it’s only Tuesday”. So at least we’re on the same page.

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

On one hand I wrote the most professional email I’ve ever written today to end ties with a less than perfect realtor. On the other hand I had chicken nuggs for dinner. Balance, friends, balance.

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

@_haleycox_ Me. I’m the man. I could eat it every day of my life.

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

@wmarema We’d make those first fish very proud

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

Will Ferrell made a TikTok and now there is more hope for 2020

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

I got the “going back to work after a 4 day weekend” blues 😔

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

Anyone notice how this virus gives a great edge to both sides campaigns? Good timing.

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

So naturally I flushed him down the toilet. Play dumb games win dumb prizes.

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

The other day I was laying in my bed looking at my phone. There was a stink bug on the window and I was like “hey bud as long as you stay over there we cool”. Well last night I had a dream bugs were crawling on me. THAT MFER WAS UNDER MY BLANKET ON MY TOE. He broke contract.

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

Picking a career where most people cannot legally do your job is great job security. However, when you have a significant headache, but the other tech is off, you still have to show up. And it sucks

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

Has anyone thought about how right now is a bank robbers’ dream? You can literally go out in public in a trash bag and no one is going to say anything.

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

@gabsforgrabs LOVE YOU TIMES A MILLION

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

I’ve lost 51 pounds. I literally can barely carry that much weight up stairs and I was just carrying that around with me all the time. Mind blowing.

[Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings]

if you start leaving the house again. who will be around to say. ohhh big stretch. every time i do a stretch

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

It amazes me that more people don’t need Lexapro to survive life.
(I also think a lot more of y’all do need it tho)

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

Why did I start getting eyelash extensions, eyebrow tint, and waxing done a couple months before corona? I’ve barely put on makeup my entire life and decided to start all these high maintenance things at the worst possible time. Ima look real ghetto until this is over y’all, sry.

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

I cut my arm at PetSmart. Like long, moderately bleeding cut. Wanna talk about people looking at you like you have a disease?? Go out during a pandemic and then bleed. Every old person in there gasped when they saw it and walked away.

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

Just bought my new puppy a bark box to spoil him 😊😊😊

[Jeffree Star @JeffreeStar]

I’m gonna give away $5,000 to 3 random people who retweets this and follows me! ❤️ Quarantine is lasting way longer than expected and I wanna keep helping out. Love you guys ⭐️

[Christina Roberts @Crispy_clean00]

Update: stalked the mailbox for an hour to catch the postman and he gave us the mail