Dan Callahan

Scatter my ashes in a dive bar

[🏛 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 🏛 @nonregemesse]

I actually saw Michael B. Jordan at a grocery store in Los Angeles once. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn't want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, "Oh, like you're doing now?"

I was taken aback, and all I could say was "Huh?" but he kept cutting me off and going "huh? huh? huh?" and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like "Sir, you need to pay for those first." At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When he took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually "to prevent any electrical infetterence," and then turned around and winked at me. I don't even think that's a word. After he scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

@joeycallahan @BridgetCallahan One step closer!!!

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

Saw a half dollar in the urinal next to me. Was feeling generous and let the guy using the urinal know.

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

@JustAddKids @shirtsthtgohard Bio reads:

Area's most complete and up-to-date kid-oriented and family-friendly event & activity resource for moms,dads,educators, & childcare providers.

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

@vzpublicsector Remember that time Verizon throttled data to firefighters in California during wildfires? https://t.co/5qCla7umrH

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

@FOX29philly Their annual police/firefighter softball game is going to be heated this year

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

This wouldn't have pissed me off as much if #Rutgers finished above .500 more than once in the last decade

[USA TODAY @USATODAY]

For over a year, Rutgers University football players enjoyed a perk few other students had access to — free DoorDash food deliveries from restaurants, convenience stores and pharmacies, paid for by the university, and ultimately by taxpayers and students. https://t.co/cz0zF2yr87

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

@RedBeardHimself Poor Gia ☹️

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

@Breaking911 Still tastes better than @dasaniwater

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

A series finale on @AMC_TV: where your commercials get a little sprinkle of the show every few minutes 🫠 #BetterCallSaul

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

@CrushingLife81 @Nedsfeed @neiltyson Pretty easy to what chief

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

It’s hilarious how YouTube is very quick to remove/censor content but allows deceptive ads like this

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

@Twitter Be like Tom from MySpace and follow everyone on this hellhole of a platform

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

You can tell Deal or No Deal is staged because @howiemandel doesn't answer the phone like "YYYYYELLOH"

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

My ringtone is the Deal or No Deal theme song

[ClickHole @ClickHole]

‘Sorry, No Clue Why It’s Like That’: The US Treasury Has Admitted There’s Simply No Reason To Depict That Much Of George Washington’s Neck On The Quarter https://t.co/DDqZpgsP5E

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

@AP One quarter per assault

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

@CMBaseball41 Flats, last time I wore heels to a wedding they killed my feet. Never making that mistake again

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

I’d rather not

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

If your 2008 Dodge Neon with a plastic bag in place of a window has a bumper sticker that says “I’m one cat away from being a crazy cat lady”, you’re definitely already a crazy cat lady

Sorry, I don’t make the rules

[Dan Callahan @D_Callahan_]

If I win the #MegaMillions tonight, I will give EVERYONE that RETWEETS this nothing 🙏🤞