Dylon Swift

[Dylon Swift @D_SWiiFT]

Did I write this tweet?

[Colleen @Coll3enG]

white boys be like “my dad didn’t buy me an audi i bought this MYSELF by WORKING at the job my dad got for me at the company he owns”

[Jon Finkel📚💪 @Jon_Finkel]

being married is funny because you'll be chilling, having a bowl of cereal, and your wife will say

i hate these bowls, don't you?

and you'll shrug becuase you don't care and she'll say

i do, they've bothered me for a while now. we need new bowls.

and you'll shrug again because you have honestly, not once, ever considered the bowls at all

then a few days later there will be all new bowls in the kitchen.

and you'll be eating the same cereal in a different bowl, chilling, and she'll say

i love these new bowls

and you'll shrug again because you still don't care but she's happier and the cereal is still good and you didn't do anything at all

[Dylon Swift @D_SWiiFT]

Yo @Chilis my bestest friend @MyPancakeLeft is having his 33rd birthday dinner at chilis on December 5th and just found out the Classic Nachos are no longer a thing. He is distraught and won’t leave his bedroom. Can you please bring these back for him? I am scared.

[Dylon Swift @D_SWiiFT]

@johnnieO @cassidyrota

[Ryanair @Ryanair]

too old for him

[TaylorMade Golf @TaylorMadeGolf]

In honor of @Jerrythekid21's hole-in-one heard around the world, we're going to GIVE AWAY a year's supply of golf balls.

To enter:
Follow @TaylorMadeGolf
Follow @Jerrythekid21
Retweet this post by Jan 7th at 11:59 PM, we'll pick a winner then.

Good luck! #TeamTaylorMade

[Dylon Swift @D_SWiiFT]

@WyattFlores10 Can you give any details on what the vip tickets get me besides this print? Looking at the Orlando show and will happily pay the extra money if it’s worth it!

[Dylon Swift @D_SWiiFT]

2 free club tickets to @GretaVanFleet tonight in Boston. First reply gets them. #tdgarden #boston #ticketmaster

[Fore Play @ForePlayPod]

🚨Calling all Gamers🚨

We teamed up with @PGATOUR2K and @TaylorMadeGolf to give away this limited edition XBOX X & Stealth 2 Plus Driver.

All you have to do is:
✅Follow @ForePlayPod, @PGATOUR2K, AND @TaylorMadeGolf
✅RT this post.

We will pick a winner next week! Good luck!

[feitelberg @FeitsBarstool]

The opposite of the Giannis speech.

[Dylon Swift @D_SWiiFT]

Hey @Delta, my clubs are looking GREAT and were just dumped at baggage claim like nothing was wrong. What a way to celebrate the masters!

Don’t make me call in @BarstoolBigCat

[Pete Blackburn @PeteBlackburn]

First U2 put their music on all our phones without permission and now they're launching spy balloons over the United States. Bono is a terrorist

[Liv Johnson @livjohnsontv]

I’m literally reporting on a homicide

[Dylon Swift @D_SWiiFT]

Hire me @MLB You Be the Ump 6/7
✅✅✅✅✅✅⚪️
https://t.co/H0YvpIVqKV

[Dylon Swift @D_SWiiFT]

And yes. We now know Europe does observe daylight saving.
So surprising that they didn’t follow Arizona’s lead.

[Dylon Swift @D_SWiiFT]

Me: Does Europe observe daylight savings?
Cassidy: Arizona doesn’t observe it; obviously Europe doesn’t.

What a preposterous answer

[Dylon Swift @D_SWiiFT]

@MikeDOnAir @theyeezymafia @KanyePodcast @TeamKanyeDaily @PhotosOfKanye I’ll take those oat 350s off your hands for ya

[Dylon Swift @D_SWiiFT]

@JetBlue I’ve officially been non-mosaic for 10 days and you guys quietly move my seat on tomorrow’s flight to the back of the plane? What service!

[Dylon Swift @D_SWiiFT]

@KicksUnderCost @heaneytime

[Kevin Farzad @KevinFarzad]

what the fuck

[PFT Commenter @PFTCommenter]

I can be down to fedex feild in 40 minute’s send the jet Snyder