Dad To The Bone

Foul Mouth of The South. Off the leash & often unsupervised. Pronoun ~ jerk

[Dad To The Bone @DadToTheBoned]

All three people currently residing in my house are convinced they’re living with two monsters ~

[WryBry @WryBry]

Being good ain't always easy. Being easy ain't always good.

[Dad To The Bone @DadToTheBoned]

@buitengebieden They’re both teenage dogs with braces ~

[Forward March @RunOldMan]

You look like a person that can't parallel park on an empty street.

[Dad To The Bone @DadToTheBoned]

I wonder if these new puberty blocking meds might help thwart this unruly ear hair I’ve developed in middle age ~

[Dad To The Bone @DadToTheBoned]

@LisaPurdue2 Joe Biden’s illegitimate son ~

[Emma Beasley🐝 @JustBeingEmma]

The reason my husband is handcuffed to the water heater is because he was bitten by a werewolf last week and there's a full moon tonight.
Cop: Are you on any medication, ma'am?

[Dad To The Bone @DadToTheBoned]

@We_Like_Dogs Hi, Boomer! Meet Daisy!

[Emma Beasley🐝 @JustBeingEmma]

I bought a dead houseplant so it wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb once I got it home and put it with the others.

[John T. Biggs @biggspirit]

Blank spaces are an invitation.

[Emma Beasley🐝 @JustBeingEmma]

If your husband has never known the joy of a clean house, fresh folded laundry and homeade bread, you should introduce him to my husband. They'd have a lot in common.

[Emma Beasley🐝 @JustBeingEmma]

I got on the scale and it said 125. Well, not at first. I had to hit it with a hammer a couple times.

[Emma Beasley🐝 @JustBeingEmma]

Me: I dated a real loser in high school.
Friend: Do you ever wonder where he is now?
Me: He's in the livingroom watching TV.

[Ben Boven @bjboven]

I'm more of a strain than a brand.

[John T. Biggs @biggspirit]

A sudden shock shuts off internal dialogue as well as years of meditation study.

[John T. Biggs @biggspirit]

One of my stories, "Mama Said" will be included in Knight Writing Press' anthology PARTICULAR PASSAGES 2 - EAST WING, coming out in ebook format on May 1. https://t.co/3GG6c2rDcs

[Dad To The Bone @DadToTheBoned]

Did you know that the Braves World Series Rings can power your electric car?

[John T. Biggs @biggspirit]

If it were only possible to take a leave of absence from life.

[John T. Biggs @biggspirit]

Right wing, left wing. I'm a stuffing man myself.

[Adrian @adrianmyreality]

Just a little update on the nurse that weighed me at the doctor’s office last week, her funeral is Tuesday