Coach

Locked in, but clocked out

[Coach @DaddyDoinks]

This is gonna be a movie soon

[Coach @DaddyDoinks]

@JacobLeTrashe @Bayou_Rebuilder @swampist That's a mosquito hawk

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

@Kenn321705 I’ve never stolen an erection in my life.

[Ethan Brooks @alt_w_v_g]

The dishwasher broke

My wife said "good thing we have the home warranty"

I said nothing

I've been paying $62 a month for three years for this moment

$2,232 for the peace of mind that when something breaks someone will come to the house and tell me it's not covered

I called

47 minutes on hold

They sent a technician

Arrival window: Tuesday through Thursday between 8am and 5pm

My analyst delivers faster than that

And he still hasn't fixed the gridlines

He showed up Wednesday at 4:47pm

Looked at the dishwasher

Opened the door

Closed the door

Touched something underneath

Said "not covered"

90 seconds

That's faster than my bank lets me prove I'm human

I said "what's covered"

He said "the motor"

I said "what's wrong with it"

He said "not the motor"

I said "convenient"

He said the service fee is $75

I paid a man $75 to open my dishwasher, close my dishwasher, and say two words

My analyst could do that

And he's not even that good

I called the warranty company back

38 minutes on hold

Requested the policy

129 pages

I read all 129 pages

Because that's what I do

The coverage section is 34 pages

The exclusions section is 58

The business model is right there

In the margins

Where nobody reads

Except me

Page 91 says "all mechanical and electrical components essential to appliance function are covered under standard service"

Page 104 excludes control panels

A control panel is an electrical component essential to appliance function

Their own document contradicts itself 13 pages apart

I highlighted both

Sent them an email

Subject line: "Plz fix. Thx."

Attached both pages

No other context

Took them three days to send a technician

Took them 4 hours to call me back when I found the loophole

Funny how that works

They covered the repair

Waived the $75

And I canceled the warranty anyway

Because a contract that contradicts itself isn't a contract

It's a suggestion

My wife said "so we're canceling"

I said "we're canceling"

She said "and the dishwasher"

I said "fixed. They're covering it."

She said "how"

I said "I read the policy"

She said "all 129 pages"

I said "the exclusions section starts on page 47. The coverage section ends on page 34. There are 13 pages between them where they hoped nobody would look."

She looked at me

Then she said "you're unbelievable"

I said "I just saved us $744 a year and got a free dishwasher repair. I'm not unbelievable. I'm thorough."

She looked at the ceiling

The dishwasher works now

The warranty is canceled

And the policy has been read

By at least one person

Probably the first

Make common sense common again

Plz fix. Thx.

Sent from my iPhone

[Coach @DaddyDoinks]

@WaterMLNo7 @Hybridathlete @Humble_Analysis Now divide that in half

[Coach @DaddyDoinks]

Wade enters the chat

[Hybrid Athlete Guy @Hybridathlete]

If a 200lb man drinks 2 light beers every hour for 48 hours, their BAC would be roughly 1%.

-0.08% is the legal limit
-0.20% is likely blacked out
-0.30% is likely unconscious
-0.40% will kill most
-0.50% will kill all but the most talented alcoholics

So no, it is not doable.

[Jimmy’s Famous Seafood @JimmysSeafood]

@HuffPost Go fuck yourself

[𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓 @MoMohler]

It was just a hockey game.

[Men's Humor @MensHumor]

"She's 7, but yeah I'll let her know"

[Rothmus 🏴 @Rothmus]

Conspiracy theorists win again.

[Nicolas Cole 🚢👻 @Nicolascole77]

I’m a 90s kid.

It’s hard to overstate how much better Pokémon on Gameboy Color + Dominos Pizza + no cell phones or algorithms vying for your attention on a Friday night was compared to spam-scrolling IG Reels today.

All this technology, all these advancements, and I think many of us miss the analog & lightly digital days more than we value the digital-first, AI-in-your-bloodstream reality we now live in.

Wild generation to have been born into. Millennials are the last generation to know life with technology before technology took over.

One foot in, one foot out.

[🌵 RC | The Nostalgia Pro🕹️📺 @NostalgiaPro]

You are confusing "convenience" with "experience."

Yes, streaming is easier.

But 45 minutes of doomscrolling Netflix only to fall asleep during the opening credits is not "better."

The trip to Blockbuster was the event. You committed to the movie. You had skin in the game.

We traded a Friday night ritual for an algorithm.

[Nostra, House of Gold @Nostre_damus]

Ok now have Obama say that aliens are real

[Coach @DaddyDoinks]

How do I report a HIPAA violation?

[All day Astronomy @forallcurious]

🚨: A man was discovered with 90% of his brain mass missing, and yet he was living a perfectly normal life.

[Massimo @Rainmaker1973]

Maniacality level: 10000

[Coach @DaddyDoinks]

You can drive 13 hours through Florida just to still be in Florida

[ethan 🇻🇦 @catholic_ethan]

does this mean Pokemon Go can do their own Epstein files of all the accounts that interacted with the Pokestop

[Iris Seraphina  @iris_seraphina]

90s games vs. today's games: How they shaped our brains differently. The impact is wild. 🎮🕹️👾🧠

#Gaming #90sGames #RetroGaming #BrainFacts #VideoGames

[Coach @DaddyDoinks]

@Shutterbug_JQ @MLFootball @USC_Nico @SSN_USC @BarstoolSC @DustBaker @VikesCentral @NyjMike @JetNation @vountee @captainseahawk I don't know if I'm experiencing a brain aneurysm or if you are