Dan Altano

Stand up Comedian. I tell jokes on stage.

[Dan Altano @DanAltano]

I just read that a college student has created an app that can tell whether AI wrote an essay. The app will be called NARC.

[Rob's Comedy Playhouse @RobsComedy]

This Saturday Dan Altano @DanAltano will be performing! Be sure to get your tickets for 7:30pm or 9:30pm. Come on out for a night filled with great food, drinks, and laughter.
https://t.co/w74bBUC3MF

[Dan Altano @DanAltano]

Here’s something you never hear in an autobiography: "But enough about me."

[Dan Altano @DanAltano]

Olive Garden: When you're here, you're family. The rest of the week, your kids stay with their mother.

[Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy]

Looking at High School yearbook photos from the 80s has me wondering what the hell were we looking at off into the distance?

[Gen X CEO @JSalmonComedy]

The fact that there’s now a legit Venn diagram of people who think masks make it impossible to breath & those who think 9 minutes of a knee to the neck don’t...

That’s probably the easiest way to describe the last year

[Dan Altano @DanAltano]

This show was so fun to be on. @RUSGUTIN has created a great show!

[RUS GUTIN @RUSGUTIN]

@Philly_Comedy & @LastOutMedia's RUS GUTIN EXPERIENCE! SPRING BASEBALL FOOD EDITION! w Comic & Host of #DinnersReadyLive, @DanAltano! Showing (R)us & his WIFEY, Dara, how 2 make DAN's recipeS 4 NY vs CHICAGO HOT DOGS! "Run it through the garden" & enjoy! (https://t.co/V1Pkc8ezTS)

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

“Never meet your heroes.”

- your heroes

[RUS GUTIN @RUSGUTIN]

THIS FRIDAY @ 9 on ZOOM! @Philly_Comedy & @LastOutMedia's RUS GUTIN EXPERIENCE! SPRING BASEBALL FOOD EDITION! w Host of #DinnersReadyLive, @DanAltano! Teaching (R)us & his WIFEY how 2 make DAN's recipeS 4 NY vs. CHICAGO HOT DOGS! Code: (DAN) for $12 TIX: https://t.co/qOtqCDHwaa!

[Dan Altano @DanAltano]

@fiondavision 😂

[Dan Altano @DanAltano]

Why is it that video games let you start over but ex girlfriends don’t?

[Dan Altano @DanAltano]

Brilliant

[Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy]

April Fool's Day is just one big open mic.

[Katie Haller @halleratyou]

me on April Fools before 2020: “don’t prank me I’m so gullible hehe!”

me now: “I’m one prank away from a full on meltdown if you try anything I swear to god I will snap.”

#AprilFoolsDay

[Dan Altano @DanAltano]

My favorite part of every single movie is the overhead shot of a big city so we don’t have to wonder where it takes place.

[Sasha @SashaSrbulj]

We live in the golden age of conspiracy theories, or so they would have you believe.
#tuesdayvibe #conspiracy

[Dan Altano @DanAltano]

My favorite kind of song is when someone explains a house party as if they’re the first ones to throw one.

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

Pfizer & Moderna are superior because they give you 2 shots to earn likes on social media.

[Dan Altano @DanAltano]

You never hear a positive story involving a basement.