Dan Collins

semi-professional human.

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

Taking care of a baby is a terrible paradox because I’ve never had more time in my life to think of ideas for a novel I want to write, but never had less time to actually write anything.

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

Having streaming services (Netflix etc.) and being married to someone who never watched American sitcoms absolutely creates weird circumstances.

Now I have thousands of thoughts about Ally McBeal that there will never be any opportunity to share with anyone.

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

@Srirachachau The first hour of Beau is Afraid is almkst indistinguishable from an episode of ‘Louie.’

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

@art_stapleton There’s no logical argument to be made that he deserves to be in the hall of fame.

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

Belle from ‘beauty and the beast’ sure was arrogant about her literary chops in her opening song for someone whose favorite book was basically a fairy tale. It’s not as if she was reading Proust or something

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

Before visiting my in-laws for New Year’s holidays: maybe this time I won’t just eat and drink nonstop the whole trip.

After: If it had been revealed to me that I spent the whole trip being force-fed to fatten me up in preparation being eaten,I would not have been shocked.

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

Watching old Japanese game shows with the in-laws and everything I was led to believe about old Japanese game shows seems to be wrong. So far, not a single person has had a finger cut off or been maimed or tortured in any way.

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

Tagging along while my in-laws shop for a vacuum. I had no idea there would be so many varieties. This store is enormous and there are hundred of different vacuums.

Is that necessary? Isn’t it basically just a pipe that sucks air?

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

Nothing makes me more patriotic than staying at my in-laws’ house and being subjected to all Japanese tv and music.

A lot of US made tv and music these days is lazily made slop, but it’s still 10 levels above most of what they’re doing overseas.

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

My ten Favorite Novelists
(In no particular order):

1. William Faulkner
2. John Steinbeck
3. Mishima Yukio
4. Kobo Abe
5. Kenzaburo Oe
6. Ernest Hemingway
7. Mikhail Sholokhov
8. Mikhail Bulgakov
9. Ivan Turgenev
10. Haruki Murakami

Honorable mention:
James Clavell

[Byron's Glowing Filament @OedipasKvass]

My 10 Favorite Novelists:

1. Thomas Pynchon
2. Don DeLillo
3. Marcel Proust
4. James Joyce
5. Laszlo Krasznahorkai
6. Herman Melville
7. Roberto Bolaño
8. Ann Quin
9. William Faulkner
10. William S. Burroughs

(No particular order except first two)

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

@CrankyFed If they let her stay in catholic school through high school, she will for sure end up an atheist. So they just need to be patient.

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

@discoque90 Could have been a very good player if he gave a shit. Unfortunately, all he cared about was looking as jacked as possible on the field. And he accomplished that incredibly.

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

Moana slaps in any language

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

In the Japanese version of ‘You’ve got a friend like me’ from Toy Story, the Japanese singer does a Randy Newman impression, which makes sense, but is hilarious.

https://t.co/x287i0x2sI

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

@fishboyjim It’s my affinity for bringing up legally ordered autopsies that earned me the reputation as the least desired dinner party guest in all of Tokyo.

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

Sometimes I wonder if my Japanese studying isn’t structured in the best way.

I can’t think of a single situation where I would conceivably use this term.

#flashcards

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

I’m sure all day that guy will be shamed in the worst way imaginable in Japanese society: being silently judged by passers-by from a distance and getting subtle looks of disapproval from strangers on the train.

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

Just saw a guy in Tokyo wearing a Padres hat, which is the most revolutionary, counter-culture move I’ve ever seen performed by a Japanese person.
Being anti-Ohtani in Japan is like being anti-sunshine. Or anti-joy.
#Dodgers #Shotime

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

When is in Adventure Bay (the fictional setting of Paw Patrol according to google:

“We built this city… we built this city for Paw Patrol” (Sung to the tune of ‘we built this city (on rock n roll)’ by Starship.)

I have never watched the show.

[Dan Collins @DannyHotdogs]

Whenever my wife is out of town, I have such grand plans for all I can get done without no distractions. I never actually do anything of value though.

It serves as a good reminder that, left to my own devices, I am essentially a non-functioning human.