lil shoe

[kira 👾 @kirawontmiss]

AI could never come up with some shit like this😭😭

[faemoose @Faemoose]

16 years old.
Fully paid off Costco hotdog.
It's not "parents money".
It's not luck.
It's consistency.
It's discipline.
I grind EVERYDAY to live this lifestyle.

[Chuckfug @Chuckfug]

My girl is starting to realize I'm noticably worse at sex after my pet rat died and I stopped wearing a hat all the time

[krill @anthraxp1mp]

Say Santa is fake again I’ll fucking fold you bro

[bean smoothie™ @beansm00thie]

fat guy who had both arms amputated pulling his shirt down via telekinesis

[Tuxedo @kevsack]

Rowley when he broke his arm

[connor @ConnorEatsPants]

i just ran over Jennifer Aniston with my car @TMZ jennifer aniston from Friends has died

[james hawkins @james406]

parents: "move out"

girlfriend: “quit being such a loser”

boss: "work harder"

claude: "uber for dogs (the dogs are the drivers) is a great idea, you should absolutely pursue it"

[𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙨 @oklahowa]

San Antonio Spurs fans when the PA announcer tells them to get on their feet and make some noise

[. @Alnruindadepura]

*noé chamando os animais pra entrar na arca por ordem alfabetica*

a zebra sentindo a água batendo no butico:

[cat ‎ ✂️ @catb0icarti]

do this to become unrecognizable:

- sleep 8+ hours
- drink 2L of water a day
- get sun daily
- no sugar
- read 30 min a day
- workout 3x a day
- blow your head smoove off
- meditate for 10 min daily

[𝒵𝒾𝓀✯ @_Gottalovezik]

Congratulations on working 40 hours! You are now free to dissociate for 2 days

[Boots, 'with the fur' @afraidofwasps]

Just saw an object in motion come to rest with absolutely no outside forces involved whatsoever

[trap dad @dude_gang]

just fouled out at work

[maya @mayaviatwitta]

smoking on that shit that made microsoft excel

[(not) NOT jackson @JacksonFromTwit]

white boy orders food in perfect cantonese, confusing local mexican restaurant

[Boots, 'with the fur' @afraidofwasps]

Lmfao U don't need a random number generator my friend is goated at this check this out, hey Greg

Greg: 73

[🍻 @drink2beers]

bad news twin: time is flying
good news: you the pilot twin

u the fuckin pilot

[mariana Z @mariana057]

There's no way everybody was kung fu fighting.

[corb @awshuqs]

hey man we’re crossing that bridge when we come to it tonight if you want to pull up