David Harris

Nationally Touring, Regionally Emmy Award Winning Comedian/Actor/Person. Mostly a person.

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

The word, "intermittently" isn't used enough. I'm definitely going to start using it every once and a while.

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

I was worried I got hacked today but it was only a duplicate profile, so I only got hacked a little. Welcome to 2024.

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

Watch like no one’s dancing. #becreepy

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

I’m going as a unsexy nurse for Halloween - and no one can stop me - not even a real nurse or a fake cop. Muah!

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

I can’t wait for this election to be decided by the next election.

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

You should be able to unpress elevator buttons when you hit the wrong one. That’s all. Someone fix it. Ok, now that’s all.

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

@AaronIsaacs69 Hahaha

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

I feel really bad about hurricane Milton. I feel almost worse for any guys named Milton.

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

For as amazing as Colin Farrell is as the Penguin on Max, I keep seeing Danny DeVito in my head, dang it! Not him as the penguin. Just Danny DeVito. Get outta there Danny! #ThePenguin

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

I’m always confused how people in movies can just take someone’s pulse and be so certain if they’re dead. Like what if you just missed the spot? And now you’ll have to live without knowing for sure. Maybe that’s just me. Sorry, Don.

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

I know ocean’s 14 is in development, but I just want to see ocean’s 1 where it’s just George Clooney shoplifting a keychain with his name on it from a real casino gift shop.

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

How many hours a day is acceptable to be on social media? 27? 35? 100?

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but that sphere seems to be everywhere now. At least on the internet. I think I even saw it in Puerto Rico.

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

Is my favorite part of my uneaten bananas on the counter the fruit flies? Yes. Am I gonna do anything about it? No. #greathusbandmaterial #fruitflyhusband

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

At age 46 I now need break time after a lot of socializing. I blame my friends for being so gregarious. It’s not their fault, but I do blame them.

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

@AaronIsaacs69 Same.

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

My career goes in fits and starts, mostly fits.

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

@AaronIsaacs69 Hahahaha

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

@AaronIsaacs69 Exactly.

[David Harris @DavidHarrisLive]

I’ve decided to find out and then f around. I’m a rebel!