David

daliopilled

[David @David_Lawson_10]

Posted my first substack essay! 🥳 I lay out how idioms and etymology can guide our inner work.

Link in bio.

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@Jesper_G_Ostman @LeRoyDesCimes my man has broken the matrix 😎

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@nosilverv gj brother! 🌞

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@winter___fall thanks for posting, this hit me big time

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@winter___fall !!

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@metaLulie @djmicrobeads This is my favourite topic 😆

You're on the right track - attention modulates our senses a shocking amount (I've notably improved my hearing via attention changes), and you can deduce what are attention problems as you have

Happy to answer any questions

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@xepo_ @nosilverv Hmm, transactional is "I'm doing this only in exchange for something else"

non-transactional is non self-interested perspective where "i've received so much good from people and i want to give that back in turn"

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@xepo_ @nosilverv Non-transactional debt is something like "this person helped me and I'm moved to help back". Maybe back at the person or paying it forward, depending on the situation.

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@xepo_ @nosilverv Agreed on avoiding both zero sum + overly running accounting.

My experience with gratitude is neither of these and is lovely and flowing.

Ime you can't be grateful w/o accepting a (non-transactional) debt; anytime you're grateful there will be some debt you've acknowledged

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@xepo_ @nosilverv Why do you think that there being a relationship between the two is problematic?

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@xepo_ @nosilverv No idea how to make progress on our disagreement.

For my side - I've had multiple experiences where I was resisting a debt to someone because it would mean a significant refactoring of my life. I then resolved the problem, took on the debt, and then felt deeply grateful to them

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@nosilverv @Plus3Happiness by some independent standard - objectively what is reasonable here?

Ime when you do it correctly it's very obvious. Partly because it feels incredible, and partly because you have this new experience of being beyond reproach.

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@nosilverv @Plus3Happiness No, they play a huge role - what that person wants in return matters a lot. But they don't have the power to set out any specific terms or to claim excessive repayment.

If I put aside a proportional amount of effort to do relevant things in return then I've discharged the debt.

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@nosilverv @Plus3Happiness Gotcha, appreciate that.

In my concept of gratitude "but only if you agree" is irrelevant.

If I genuinely would pay back if I could (but I can't) then I'm auto fulfilling the debt.

Imo if it requires permission then someone / something in my psyche is holding things over me.

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@nosilverv @Plus3Happiness with jubileeing

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@nosilverv @Plus3Happiness I'm remembering that when I started this journey I was scared that my debts would be bigger than I was able to pay.

So, I started small to test it and I kept discovering that the debts were always reasonable and determined by what was within my ability.

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@nosilverv @Plus3Happiness Or paying forward can suffice.

Eg with my parents it turned out accepting some big parts of them went a long way to paying off my debt

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@nosilverv I used to resent people for not being grateful to me, but I then I realised that I'm massively under-grateful and every improvement I've made to that has required a lot of work and life planning

Imo people are confused about how gratitude works + think it's a free resource

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@nosilverv (Genuine) gratefulness is hard. It requires that you accept a proportional debt + refactor your life to be prepared to pay that debt.

So, the bigger the gift you give someone the harder it is for them to be grateful - eg few people are fully grateful to their parents

[David @David_Lawson_10]

@nosilverv relatedly, i've had the distance between mental things go from "far away / long laborious route between" to "very close / get there straight away"

for all kinds of things from "2+2=4" to "this person's name is so and so"

there's a lot going on in "straightforward"