shit_elissa_says

my partner says things, I tweet about it

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

“What would happen if we kissed right now?” - @elissawells
“I dunno, do you want to find out?” - @hotsaucehazard

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

*defending impossible chicken nuggets*
*has been vegan for one week*

“they’re still processed, but at least they have stuff you know the name of… oh my god, am i vegan???”

[🌈karlen rae ⚢ ™️ @hotsaucehazard]

“sorry for eating your chips”
- elissa, about my FRENCH FRIES?!?

i’m gonna k*ll her bc what is this???

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

“Ohtani is hot”

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

“aging is a gift, and we should remember that… and living is a curse, so, idk”

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

“hearing it from the donkey’s anus…? or whatever it is?”

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

Linda: never judge a book by its cover!

Elissa: okay… i was JUST telling you earlier how much i love doing that.

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

“when i was pooping, i got curious, and that’s always a mistake”

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

me: would you hit me for a billion dollars?
elissa: *thinks for a sec* no, but i would for a million… i don’t think i need a billion

☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

elissa: i wish you could eat pork dumplings.

me: YOU’RE a pork dumpling!

elissa: YOUR MOM is a pork dumpling!

me: my mom’s dead :(

elissa: yeah… dead as a pork dumpling…

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

me, talking about a glass-blower on tiktok: she was on that blowing show! you know, the one on netflix?

elissa: babe, you watch too much porn, idk what you’re talking about.

☠️☠️☠️

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

*Talking about street performers*
Me: I prefer the guy singing Oasis.
Elissa: Who?
Me: The guy singing “Wonderwall” by Oasis?
Elissa: I thought “Wonderwall” was by Taylor Swift.

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

“Mary had a little lamb, whose ‘sleefs’ was white as snow!”

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

“the reason we love Pookie and Jett is because we don’t talk about it. We don’t even talk about talking about it. We just 🙈 and don’t know. I don’t even wanna know. My business is the $34K bags he buys her… I deserve to be pampered like Pookie.”

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

*convinced Ice Spice is an industry plant*

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

“I was watching it and I got high and I was like, ‘you know what? I’m too much of an intellectual’” >>> about not finishing a movie

[Lindsay Kaye @GhostlyLindsay]

“Jesus takes the wheel, but fate takes the reigns” — @tinyjalapeno

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

Me: I would go to a Post Malone concert

Elissa: …I feel like it would smell bad

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

“Poor, sexy Kamala Harris. That’s not the vibe she’s going for!!!”

(about Kamala with a photoshopped camel toe)

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

“this beat is automatic, ‘soo-kin-sah-tic’, hypnotic, funky-fresh…”

[shit_elissa_says @ElissaSays]

“Does Sarah Jessica Parker have a gay son? I just feel like she would have a gay son.”