ELIAS

Breakfast for dinner.

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

I suddenly understand why Apple is going to be a trillion dollar company soon. They just charge everyone on earth $12.57 every three days and nobody says a word about it.

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

@DefJamMD @billycam2 @RPatrickAllen @billycam2 Just wondering if you saw this?

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

I’m not religious in the slightest but if there’s one thing that makes me believe in a higher power it’s that there are no calories in hot sauce.

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

Just want everybody to know that when I find a new pair of jeans, it’s so over for you bitches.

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

Just got a fresh cut now I’m looking for the freaks.

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

@liivvviieee You wouldn’t if you knew the price🤷🏻

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

I just bought the dumbest shit of all time and I couldn’t be happier with it. It’s so dumb that I already know my sister is gonna scold me about it and I’m 28 years old.

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

@shelbs_powell You better believe I’ll let the world know when it arrives!

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

I’m already an insanely good stay-at-home dad, so if anybody wants to get pregnant, give birth, and go immediately back to work, hit my line.

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

Just got a fresh cut now I’m looking for the freaks.

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

@KaitlinGodsoe Tupperware lids are pretty brutal too.

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

Guys what’s your favourite dish to wash? Mine is a small plate. And yes, I took Adderall this morning.

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

@JohnsonAlex22 Yes

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

I have this feeling that I’m eventually gonna get drunk enough to turn this scar into a lightning bolt and there’s nothing I can do to stop myself.

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

@thngrdmn Hahahaha bro there is extremely niche, and then there is this.

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

When it’s sunny outside I be driving around like I have a lot more money than I actually do.

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

If girls are allowed to contour their faces, I’m allowed to contour my abs.

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

I mean you gotta be kidding me!

[ELIAS @ErdmanLi]

The fact that lawyers in British courts still have to wear those ridiculous wigs is just beyond amazing. Shit was even dumb back in 1860