Father Kelly

Disgruntled Catholic Priest. Seemed like a wise career choice at the time.

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

It's a heatwave. Take care of old people by sending them box fan deals. Hose them off. Toss ice at them.

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

My sign language might be off but I think that dude was just promoting "My Pillow".

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

Selling a walker for Harvey Weinstein. 90 dollars. Only used for a few months. Send me PM if interested.

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

Who wants to invest in my rape slide whistle idea? What???

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

This may sound dumb but do they make cologne that smells like urinal cakes?

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

If I was black the only thing I'd be embarrassed about would be Madea movies.

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

When Animal House came out Trump was the only one in the theater that didn't get this joke.

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

Stores that sell "World's Greatest Dad" mugs should require proof. And shouldn't there only be one mug for sale then they close?

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

I think the N
My Pillow Guy should actually fuck the pillow. Say it's his whore. Other ad he holds it tenderly. A/B test.

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

@bedheadred78 Hi. You never talk to me on fb. Haha

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

I have word that the ghost of Harvey Korman is going to show up at Tim Conway's funeral and crack up during the eulogy.

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

I think we have one more year until the country is ready for my TV show who has a lead character called Jizzy McGee.

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

Wonder how many people are turned on by that neti pot commercial? Come to confession.

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

Never preface "your face kinda looks like a camel" with "I mean this as a compliment". It never works.

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

I bet Martha Stewart's cum announcement is actually handed to her partner on a frilly card.

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

Confession: sometimes I try to pretend to be English by working "jaguar" into the convo but I say "jagua".

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

Until recent times life was: eating. Not getting killed. Fucking. How did things get more complicated?

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

Just had great hamberders with Tim Apple.

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

I can never be a part of a movement where the people make signs but don't plan out the design and all the letters are squoosed in on the right.

[Father Kelly @FatherKelly]

It's called "the rectory" for a reason.