reluctant alpha

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[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

There were some who doubted my ability to jump the sun. I call those people “motherfuckers.”

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

If you mix up the letters in “magotty drowned rat.” You get “gay deodorant art (wmg).
It really makes you think.

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

When the PCP kicks in…

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

Dubstep is what all music sounds like to dogs

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

@nicebigdog How bedazzled are those back pockets?

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

@pest_mode This one’s got legs

[tw*tter is dead. rip tw*tter 💀 @pest_mode]

It’s ok that I’ve never once gone viral in my ten years on this site. I’ll cope

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

@raynmaynard If being gay is gay, then I don’t want to be right.

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

I'm busy obeying laws and ordinances

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

The doctor that delivered me was my age when I was born, but I invented a tradition called thirtytuesday where you sneak-drink a 32oz Modelo at work every Tuesday. Not all heroes are vagina doctors.

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

@merrittk It seems like you’ll make a very replaceable plumber

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

@natealism Quit making so much damn effort, man

[🔱The_Titans_Vision🔱 @TitansVision]

If the woman really loves the man, as soon as her genitals reach the man's, she silently sucks up his organ within herself.

The man has no need to make any effort.

If the woman's love is strong, her body sucks up his organ as air is sucked up into an empty space.

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

@HarleyQ41171930 They’re pants, dude

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

@gundrymd_ Unidentifiable biological orbs is my favorite coffee ingredient

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

Where has the passion gone?

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

@clamatoes Who is these days?

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

@AgentKonrad @mikefoxtrotter Hello. I just received a cease and desist from the jobs app called Indeed. I guess you aren’t allowed to use the word indeed in tweets unless you want to work for the person you’re replying to.

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

I think it's cool that even though Christian denominations differ in like every other possible way, they all agree that Jesus had a beard.

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

@coolguyzune He has unlocked wiping secrets unknown to science. Let him be.

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

@ArmyStrang She could do murders for non-government entities. Possible a sassy vigilante

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

Some nice regret upon opening Twitter after a long absence. I love my phone’s apps

[reluctant alpha @FunOnlineMan]

@raynmaynard ISLY you too