Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈

Writer. Musician. Winemaker. Inventor of the jaffa cake sandwich. Trapped on Plague Island with the Tories.

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

@ask_aubry If she's smart, she'll abort Eric.

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

Hey journos - too many of you don't seem to know the difference between "sliver" and "slither". It's making your copy creepy. Stop it.
#writerslife #journalism #journorequest

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

@DrTrevorDines Is it possible Mr Brinkley is confusing children with goats? I've yet to see a grazing herd of Year 7s cropping the verges.

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

@Blearyspace Brb just legally changing my name to Dr Comedy

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

Almost at the 12,000-word mark in the ole #standupcomedy script. Yeah, I know I said I'd perform it when I hit 10,000. I'd forgotten about editing. Half of this is utter drivel. Gimme a minute eh.
#comedy #shethinksshesfunny #amwriting

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

Well, that's how tired I am. Looked at my clock this morning and my brain went "shit you're late get up get up", so I did. Panicked ablutions while still trying to remember my own name.

But I'm not late, I'm an hour fkin early.
You prick, Brain.

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

@Misanfrog Neologisms don't pay, alas. Unless you work for the OED, perhaps.

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

I'd really like "veranda'd" to be a word right now.
#Copywriter problems...

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

I was looking at a map of Iceland and now I've got "It's a long way to Akureyri" stuck in my head and why do I do this to myself

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

@greenycrimson Nah, different place, but a good point indeed

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

Why did I think lemon tart and Greek yoghurt were a good pairing?
"Yeah, slap some tang on it, it'll offset the tang!"

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

I've had so much screen time today, my actual skull hurts. I can't imagine this is a good thing

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

@metroadlib @allthingsFoust Well, this was the summary I didn't know I needed. THANK YOU

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

Hey, people who have dinner at 6. Wtf do you do when it gets to 10.30 and your body's like EXCUSE ME CAN WE EAT NOW PLS I REALLY DON'T THINK WE'VE EATEN.
Seriously how are you not all spherical heartburn monsters?
Well, off for ma second dinner then I guess.

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

@Misanfrog What did you buy now...

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

Transposed a song into Em so my not-very-high voice can manage it. Must've been tired when I wrote it down - just spotted that I've put "Cb" throughout 🤦‍♀️

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

"If you wish to rehabilitate prisoners, what they need is a job, a home and family relationships. Put inside, they lose all three."

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

How tired am I, you ask? Fell asleep during dinner. DURING. Like a toddler in a highchair.
And now that we're approaching midnight my body has remembered it had a very small amount of caffeine this morning and is all JITTERS YOU LIKE JITTERS RIGHT HAVE SOME JITTERS z!z!z JITTERS

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

@oldenoughtosay This is like Kinder Surprise for adults

[Gem Caley 🏳️‍🌈 @GemCaley]

Help me out, Twitter... Coco Pops for dinner, or ice cream for dinner? I've already got a stomach ache, if that helps with the decision-making.
Why I thought I had something in the fridge to cook, I don't know...