Cheeseburger Randy

Author, Singer, Dancer, Exotic Olive Oil Taster, Chiropractor.

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

In Georgia I entered a Chick-fil-A drive-thru line of forty cars.

I turned off my engine. I prepared to wait the way my ancestors waited out a siege.

Six minutes later I was holding chicken.

I do not know what happened to the other thirty-nine cars. The line moved like water that had somewhere to be.

A young woman walked between the cars taking orders on a small tablet, on foot, in the sun, smiling like the sun was her idea.

I said thank you.

She said, "My pleasure."

I did not think about it then. I should have.

At the window I thanked the young man for the food.

"My pleasure."

I thanked him for the sauce.

"My pleasure."

I thanked him for thanking me—

"My pleasure."

I want to be clear about what was happening.

This was a duel.

In Japan I trained in courtesy for forty years. Bowing angles. Seasonal greetings. The correct depth of apology for seventeen distinct situations.

I was a white belt in that drive-thru.

I escalated. I used my most formal English. I thanked him on behalf of my entire family line.

He said, "My pleasure," and gave me extra sauce.

Extra sauce. Unprovoked. A counterattack.

I returned the next day to reclaim my honor.

It was Sunday. The restaurant was closed.

All of them were closed. In the entire country. They close every Sunday, and they have closed every Sunday since the beginning, because the founder made a promise, and the promise did not expire when he did.

I stood in the empty parking lot and understood I had lost twice.

Once to a teenager with sauce.

Once to a man I will never meet, who kept his word so long it became a building.

In my country we say a samurai's word is his life.

I had never seen a restaurant say it back.

I returned Monday. I ordered. And this time I said it first, before she could.

"My pleasure."

She smiled and said, "It sure is."

America, I surrender.

It was my pleasure.

[rome 🐵 celebrating likweli @gibbontime]

NEW MONKEY!!!!!!!!!!

[Daily Noud @DailyNoud]

Congratulations to Lionel Messi on the birth of his new child ❤️

[Cheeseburger Randy @GingerJohn300]

@nelffaerie Goddamn

[WBR @W_B_Rick]

If you were hitting Dank Vapes carts in 2018 you’re actually immune from any air quality concerns

[Big Meech @skoalyeah126]

CDC calls it an “explosive diarrhea parasite” but a guy like me just calls it Wednesday

[T G J @thatguysjokes]

Margaret Thatcher popping up with 90th minute winner against the Argentines for old times sake

[i think @kutaiuranium]

my infant son can’t do any Vape tricks yet and it’s pissing me off

[bean smoothie™ @beansm00thie]

fat guy who had both arms amputated pulling his shirt down via telekinesis

[Erling Haaland @Erling]

It followed me home 🦝🤣

[Five Tool California @FiveToolCA]

Bakersfield Elite's Garrett Berg sends a double down the RF line.

Liberty (CA) 2029 #uncommitted

Profile: https://t.co/IrwQPfW932

[Integrity Guy @Integrity_Freak]

It's starting. #TheHappening #MenAreCuttingTheirPenisesOff #NoPenis2026 #IndianaManChallenge

[Adam Friedland @AdamFriedland]

Soccer is gay again

[🄽osliw Pilf 🦭🪩🚩 @trvecharlie]

Oh my god. It’s him

[Erling Haaland @Erling]

Howdy!🤠

[Roy Drones Jr @chiweethedog]

yeah. coke heads. famously not annoying and retrarded

[this happened to my buddy eric @flowrmeadow]

Were any other Uncs touching on these in high school

[Josh @joshpearson180]

Might be the best assist I’ve ever seen ngl

[Cheeseburger Randy @GingerJohn300]

Don’t be wearing no tight as fucking jeans in easy town