Honza Švejda

jsem vykutaleny

[Ben Hunt @EpsilonTheory]

loooool. I’d say that Bessent must think we’re stupid to say this nonsense, but then I realized that this is what he tells Trump.

[The Icahnist @TheIcahnist]

Private equity bros coming to Greenland to buy fish farms and whale processors

DD hits different in -20°C

[Leyla @LeylaKuni]

Day in the life of an investor relations associate:

- wake up at 7:30am to 12 emails asking for the same quarterly report that was sent last week

- prepare for an LP call by re-reading the deck and praying no one asks about fund-level tax treatment

- join LP call. First question: “walk us through assumptions on page 37” (there is no page 37)

- get off the call and immediately answer an email asking if distributions will be “going up this quarter” (it’s a VC fund, the first distribution is expected in 10 years)

- request updated portco commentary for the quarterly letter; receive three bullet points that say “good quarter”

- rewrite that commentary into a full narrative that sounds polished, cautious, and somehow optimistic

- answer a prospective LP question about “competitive differentiation” without mentioning that everyone else does the exact same thing

- send the monthly update with the opener: “We are pleased with portfolio performance” (one company is on fire, two founders cannot be located, the rest are not providing any meaningful updates)

- check subscription status of another prospective LP: “circling back internally” for the last 8 months

- swear you’re going to update the CRM “properly” tomorrow (you will not)

- sleep

[Zephyr @zephyr_z9]

>be me
>junior hedge fund analyst
>MD wants "alternative assets"
>assigns me Labubu futures on Kalshi
>build 50-page deck on blind box variance

>backtest smirk-to-price correlation
>go long Pop Mart, short Labubu hype
>perfect market neutral trade
>release day: all commons
>short contracts moon

>MD calls me a "toy market savant"
>check my personal account
>bought physical dolls to hedge my hedge
>all fake Lafufus from Alibaba
>mfw I'm a volatility oracle for counterfeit plastic

[Honza Švejda @HSvejda]

@optionsly @MercuriusFilius BS standpoint equity, not MVE

[ₕₐₘₚₜₒₙ @hamptonism]

did you really think i was joking?

[Schiescho @SchiescherKing]

Wo die 400 Milliarden hingehen…

[Honza Švejda @HSvejda]

@zuzka_coufalova velmi striktni az despoticke 🤨

[Honza Švejda @HSvejda]

@zuzka_coufalova jaky potrebujete prumwr na stipendium

[Honza Švejda @HSvejda]

@zuzka_coufalova chřipku

[Honza Švejda @HSvejda]

@zuzka_coufalova to bylo teda za pet minut dvanact

[Luuk Gullit 🇳🇱 @Lukeundbetrug]

Was geht bei wettercom

[Honza Švejda @HSvejda]

@zuzka_coufalova to bude tim spf kremem

[Honza Švejda @HSvejda]

@Petrda7 @fheczko LCOE silně ve prospěch nukleární energie, viz. kalkulace IEA

[Honza Švejda @HSvejda]

@nerezterez :Ddddddd kamo co to je ☠️☠️

[Honza Švejda @HSvejda]

@zuzka_coufalova dobre chutnani (a bez povidani!)

[Honza Švejda @HSvejda]

@z00mzana biotechnologie

[Inverse Cramer @CramerTracker]

If your accountant wears this, you don't have to worry about the IRS

[Honza Švejda @HSvejda]

@SeznamZpravy Proč není možné zmiňované pohledávky efektivně vymáhat? Nezaváděl se právě kvůli takovýmto případům institut péče řádného hospodáře, kdy může věřitel požadovat plnění po dlužníkovi, tj. díky tomuto institutu přímo po jednateli?