Felix Beers

Cable guy. Halo player. Booming and busting.

[Felix Beers @HelicalFelix]

My brother Grancis just had an emergency B-section the other day. #midlifecrisis

[Felix Beers @HelicalFelix]

What if instead of the regular show it was called the regular blow where all they do is snort coke and eat pussy #imagine

[Felix Beers @HelicalFelix]

Wiped so hard I gave myself an epidural

[Felix Beers @HelicalFelix]

I shoved 5 tennis balls up my asshole but realized that’s disrespectful to Jayden Daniel’s. I settled for 4 instead.

[Felix Beers @HelicalFelix]

Playing candy crush instead of fingerblasting my wife

[Felix Beers @HelicalFelix]

7th inning stretch? More like 7 inches stretching my butthole😂😂 #baseball

[Felix Beers @HelicalFelix]

Indian bitches with white girl accents are worse than cancer

[Felix Beers @HelicalFelix]

People say I’m cold the way my drip is post-nasal😤#rizz #huzz

[Felix Beers @HelicalFelix]

Homeless people be like: oh yeah, those dirt and pebbles over there look comfy

[Felix Beers @HelicalFelix]

Just tried horse ham and now I’m a quantum 3 foid

[Felix Beers @HelicalFelix]

Shitting in the sink and washing my hands in the bidet #positivity

[Felix Beers @HelicalFelix]

@obgynmeatpants Try the diarrhea/constipation superset. It’ll put some hair on your chest

[Felix Beers @HelicalFelix]

Giving my scrotum vein an aneurysm just to feel something again #life

[sunsetrider @zunzetrider]

Gettin neck at costco I call it kirkland

[Girth Brooks @crackawdajuice]

@TimGape FMJ on the remington

[Felix Beers @HelicalFelix]

The inventor of pickleball must’ve been horny as fuck😂 #uncut #relateable

[Felix Beers @HelicalFelix]

Just got a tattoo of something Arabic on my foreskin

[Felix Beers @HelicalFelix]

I need Ella Langley to varnish me in her feces yesterday

[Felix Beers @HelicalFelix]

My aunt Porothy knows Robert Loggia #robert #loggia #robertloggia

[Felix Beers @HelicalFelix]

@crackawdajuice FUCK don’t say that Girth! I have my uncle’s bar mitzvah next week!

[Girth Brooks @crackawdajuice]

They’re turning mitch mcconnell into mcribs