HowlingSponge

porous/freak

[HowlingSponge @HowlingSponge]

My buddy asked me to trip sit him while he did shrooms the other day and I spent the entire time making AI pictures of him with a random mexican family and told him the cartel has them hostage in Guadalajara

[HowlingGrimes @Ligmanutsdaddy]

Happy Veterans Day 🥰

[HowlingSponge @HowlingSponge]

@coofyboofy Send 1g broski you know I'm good for it

[HowlingSponge @HowlingSponge]

Went on a bad bender and may or may not have ended up on grindr for a week and just had a dentist appointment and when they asked me to "open up" I instinctively tried putting my legs behind my head. They just called the cops and revoked my insurance I am pretty sure

[HowlingSponge @HowlingSponge]

@HowlingAssDr I expected to hear some light sobbing and despair, but instead it sounded like a busy barber shop. We'll get em next time

[HowlingProctologist @HowlingAssDr]

Nothing feels worse than when you're finished raping a woman and she pulls out a vibrator to finish the job

[HowlingReplicantGosling (EVIL) (NEFARIOUS) @HowlingBR2049K]

Gleefully signing the order for Warwick David to be drawn and quartered before I realize we'll have to train ponies and tie tiny knots and light a teeny fire to make the punishment properly scaled to the crime

[HowlingSponge @HowlingSponge]

Why is it that I can request to keep my wisdom teeth post-extraction but I was not given the same option when I was forcefully circumcised as a baby? My foreskin had priority shipping to Tel Aviv before I even knew what snipped me.

[Big Daddy @_B1G_D4DDY]

My girl will start talking about therapy as soon she realizes she’s losing the fight. She’s gotta jump me because she can’t run the 1v1.

[HowlingSponge @HowlingSponge]

@gatornuggets500 @actualdrater nigga called him a snow mexican LMFAO

[HowlingReplicantGosling (EVIL) (NEFARIOUS) @HowlingBR2049K]

Cleaned a bunch of pocket lint out of my phone's charging port and had the realization that this is probably why women be bitchin 24/7

[HowlingSponge @HowlingSponge]

They called me the "Cum Tribute Bandit" back in high school cause I got walked in on at a party jerking off in some kids bathroom and they thought I was just watching porn on my phone but when I turned around it was actually a framed photo of the kids mom and aunt from the 80s

[Drater @actualdrater]

the American mind can't comprehend the aristocratic bag of milk

[HowlingAnderz @HowlingAnderzin]

Watched a guy with Down syndrome wearing aviator sunglasses open a bag of Cheetos in the store and start eating them. When his dad tried to stop him, he told him, "Pipe down, asshole."

[HowlingJones @HowlingJones0]

Me going into Bath & Body Works, going up to the first employee I see and telling them if they get rid of Strawberry Flirt, I'll kill myself.

It's the emplovee's first day and they look horrified.

[HowlingMutant @Howlingmutant0]

Once when I was a teenager I was jacking off and I got way more into it than usual, my parents weren’t home so I was moaning like a retard, and in the throes of my youthful passion I reached back and grabbed my own ass and even in the moment I was like bro what are you doing

[HowlingSponge @HowlingSponge]

@Howlingmutant0 Nothings worse than when you are standing up cranking hog in a hunched over position and it just feels like you're speedbagging your balls

[HowlingAnderz @HowlingAnderzin]

Seeing a deaf person wearing earmuffs in the winter makes no sense to me. The ears are useless, just let them freeze off bro.

[HowlingKanye @HowlingKanye]

My dog’s ashes ride in a Tupperware on the dash. When I get pulled over, I tell the cop it’s my father and he needs a new urn. Then I hit myself and chant “fuckup” and they always let me go. I’d call Dad to laugh about it, but he’s allegedly very happy with his third family.

[HowlingJoker @HowlingJoker0]

I got soy sauce in my eyes and developed a sudden taste for dog

[HowlingMutant @Howlingmutant0]

The only thing that makes me laugh anymore are the increasingly cruel practical jokes I play on those around me