Samuel Jacksoff

My first twitter was better.

[Samuel Jacksoff @IamCockneySam]

@Kleenex_UK Did he just put that used tissue in his pocket? And didn't wash his hands. That's not very Covid conscious.

[Samuel Jacksoff @IamCockneySam]

*me reading tweets*
I don't get it

[Ovary Action 🍉 @Bripping_Talls]

Last night, I had a date. I really enjoyed it.

So tonight I'm gonna try a fig.

[Ovary Action 🍉 @Bripping_Talls]

If astrology is not real explain why Scorpios are cunts.

[Wilde Thingy @wildethingy]

Strange to think I'm descended from some kind of wierd, furry mammal.

Or, as he insists I call him, dad.

[Ovary Action 🍉 @Bripping_Talls]

Think about it. The truly smart ones never get married.

[Samuel Jacksoff @IamCockneySam]

I hope my nan gets me that book on Shibari I asked her for for Christmas.

[Samuel Jacksoff @IamCockneySam]

I was thinking of making an Etsy page selling
@michaelgove face masks.
Do you guys prefer the "happy" or the "seductive" version?

[Samuel Jacksoff @IamCockneySam]

@weepibz That's happened to me before but the response was nothing of the sort

[Cam @GinAndJif]

Him: You’re very aloof.

Me: Thanks. It’s because of my aloofness.

[Cam @GinAndJif]

How many calories does having an eye twitch burn...?

[Samuel Jacksoff @IamCockneySam]

I've been waiting so long for this look to be back in fashion!

[Samuel Jacksoff @IamCockneySam]

@dredreey Aww, look at that little face ☺️

[Samuel Jacksoff @IamCockneySam]

Top Tip:
Protect yourself from coronavirus by getting yourself a beard of bees.

[JOHNNY KAUFMAN @pdxjohnny99]

HEY GUYS LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN MY 14 YEAR OLD GYM BAG SCORE!!!

[Samuel Jacksoff @IamCockneySam]

Better start spending your nectar points now, guys.

[Samuel Jacksoff @IamCockneySam]

You guys know you can't eat toilet paper, right?

[The Notorious B.E.V. 🌈 @blade_funner]

I haven't been paying attention is something going on

[MisoSilly @SeiYoung83]

The butt wants what the butt wants.