We must urgently condemn the reckless behavior of Cardinal John Onaiyekan, whose shocking decision to describe reality exactly as it is has caused a severe shortage of peace of mind within the Presidential Villa.
The Shocking Radicalism of Cardinal Onaiyekan: A Condemnation of Truth
From: The Committee for the Preservation of Comfortable Illusions
To: The Disreputable Cleric Who Believes His Own Eyes
We stand completely astounded by the latest antics of His Eminence, Cardinal John Onaiyekan. In a country where we have spent millions of Naira perfecting the art of the "strategic alternate reality," this man has committed the ultimate sin: he looked at a crisis and called it a crisis.
The Charges Against the Cardinal
We feel compelled to publicly expose the "Cardinal Problem" and highlight his highly disruptive behavior:
•Sedition by Food Security: He arrogantly walked into the Villa and claimed the poor cannot afford three square meals. How dare he bring up lunch and dinner when the administration is busy cooking up macroeconomic statistics?
•Malicious Use of Sight: He looked at our pristine, flawless electoral process and dared to suggest it wasn't a masterclass in transparency. We strictly advise the Cardinal to stop looking at what actually happened and start looking at the court judgments.
•Abuse of Spiritual Authority: He used his holy platform to speak for the suffering populace. Everyone knows a cleric's job is to bless the government's budget, sprinkle holy water on inflation, and tell the poor to wait for their reward in heaven.
We Stand on This Dangerous Mandate
Therefore, we are forced to stand squarely on Cardinal Onaiyekan’s mandate. If speaking the truth is an "abuse of clerical privilege," then we demand more abuse.
We absolutely praise him for his utter failure to be house-trained by the state. Thank you, Your Eminence, for being an absolute nuisance to tyranny. Thank you for refusing to smile at the camera while the ship sinks. We stand with your "problematic" honesty, because if the truth won't set us free, at least it's making the right people uncomfortable.
@OmoyemiAkangbe As at 3:33am the portal was still not working while other website are working well with my network, yet NBA is sending emails stating that everything is working fine. This is wrong and it says so much about this election process.
@mrfestusogun The ECNBA has failed woefully. A full proof system should have been put out to the public, even as a write it is still not working and you are talking of commending them.
@NigBarAssoc As at 3:33am the portal is not working while other website are working with my network, yet NBA is sending emails stating that everything is working fine. This is wrong and it says so much about this election process.
Today is bigger than any one candidate.
Throughout the ongoing NBA elections, I have received reports from lawyers across the country who say they have been unable to cast their votes due to challenges with the voting process. Regrettably, I have also been unable to cast my own vote despite repeated attempts. We have records showing that the system allows people to vote twice, when it should be one member one vote.
Every eligible member of our Association deserves the opportunity to participate in a free, fair, transparent, and credible election. The integrity of our democratic process must inspire confidence in every voter.
To everyone who believes in this vision, I urge you: do not give up. Continue trying to exercise your right to vote for as long as the voting window remains open.
Leadership is tested most in difficult moments. Let us remain peaceful, resolute, and committed to protecting the credibility of our Association.
Lateef Omoyemi Akangbe, SAN, FCIArb
Candidate, Office of the President
Nigerian Bar Association
After four years full of challenges and hard work, it's time to move on.
I leave with the feeling that the mission is complete. 4 seasons, 3 championships.
I will never forget the love I received from the fans from my very first days.
Catalonia is my place on earth.
Thank you to everyone I met along the way during these beautiful four years.
A special thank you to President Laporta for giving me the chance to live the most incredible chapter of my career.
Barça is back where it belongs.
Visca el Barça. Visca Catalunya 💙❤️
@fcbarcelona
I'll also say this as someone who grew up on the nice side of the barbed wire fences and high gates in the very nice part of town where the Nigerian 0.1% live - learn to touch grass and worry about yourself because rich people really do not care about you. Like, at all.
The Nigerian rich don't even like each other. They barely tolerate one another and make practical alliances to preserve wealth and influence. And now that the economy is too small to support all the children of the Nigerian 0.1%, nearly everyone I grew up with in the nice, leafy part of town now lives in Toronto or London or wherever. You, Mr N250k/month Union Bank contract staff are not part of rich people's thinking at all.
At. All.
The rich have no plans for you. They have no plans to create opportunities for you. They have no plans to fix the things they broke on their way to building that N1bn townhouse in Parkview Estate. They have no plans to contribute towards making society better. If Satan came from Hell with a tail and horns growing out of his head and he ran for political office, the rich would all go make deals with him - because in the world of the rich, the only thing that matters is their own interests, and making sure that they never, EVER have to live like you or next to you.
So all this simping and vicarious fawning over wealth and fame that you people do everyday is the most redundant thing in the world - the rich have no intention of expanding their circle to let you in, and they have no intention of enabling the conditions for you to create your own independent circle of wealth. The only thing the rich need from you is to be poor and obedient, so that your labour can be cheap, plentiful and replaceable.
Statistically as a Nigerian, you will NEVER be rich or close to it. You will NEVER live in Maitama. 99.99% of Nigerians who have existed since 1960 have prayed and fantasised about becoming rich, and 99.99% of those prayers and fantasies never came true. That's just math. You will never be a rich and famous celebrity. You will never be a successful content creator. You will never make millions shilling crypto, trading Forex, sports betting, or whatever the fuck is the latest quick wealth fantasy in town. It's just not going to happen.
That being the case, a much more constructive use of your time would be to fight for the material elevation of what you actually have, where you actually have it. Instead of daydreaming about the N300m house in Lekki that 3 generations of your family cannot buy, get involved in a local effort to give your own immediate neighbourhood a facelift, or a political campaign to pressure the state to build high quality social housing.
If you hate being harassed without consequence online, instead of vicariously enjoying how a celebrity has used their wealth and influence to jail someone for making a horrid tweet, fight for a judiciary and legal system that is transparent and accessible to all, so that a singer living in the UK on a global talent visa doesn't get to have more access to your Nigerian justice system than you who lives in Nigeria 24/7.
Instead of building your mental architecture around the false idea of being a "temporarily embarrassed millionaire" who will someday take your rightful place on Banana Island, touch grass tonight and accept that it will never happen, and what you need to do instead is fight for where you are to become a better, more liveable place that you no longer wish to escape from. Stop cosplaying as rich folk. Stop cooing and fawning over rich folk. Stop daydreaming about someday "blowing up" and buying a house next to Burna Boy. Rich people have no intention of sharing their world with you. Free yourself from the tyranny of living vicariously through people who don't care that you exist.
Them no really send any part of your papa at all.