Kagũma

🇰🇪

[Kagũma @Index_49]

@JohnMwangiDiani Kwani they just cross anywhere? Areas near schools (e.g. near Weston) usually have bumps, zebra crossing and a lower speed limit. Other areas, e.g. past the cemetery outbound, people rarely cross the road.

[Kagũma @Index_49]

@BostonGal34 Me neither

[CPA Wachira Joseph @WashiraX]

KRA wants a share of dowry money.

There is a guy called Kamau.

When it was time to buy his wife, he mobilized his most monied buddies.

He put them in a WhatsApp group. The fundraising began.

Those boys were loaded. They were only 35.
By by the time they were done, they had contributed 4.5 million shillings.

Others who were not in the group wired money directly to Kamau's bank account.

The ruracio D-Day arrived.

And as always, the one and only Kikuyu ruracio anthem was tuned.

🎶 Wero... Werokamu guku kwa wa Kanini... Werokamu... 🎶

Before they could finish the song, more than 2,000 people had pulled up.

Wakaanza kutoa funjo. Then one man stood on a stool and announced they could not sit until they had given Kamau top up money to add to the dowry.

The donation book was hurriedly brought. People lined up. Cash started flowing.

By the end of the day, another 2.8 million shillings had been raised.

Kamau took the money and banked it.

Total dowry contribution sitting at his bank account: 8m shillings.

The ceremony became the talk of Gatundu South.

Kamau paid his dowry. Collected his wife. And went home peacefully.

• Lesson 1. Monied friends are good for paying dowry.

I have no clue how. But sometime later, Kamau was marked for a KRA tax audit.

KRA went straight for his bank statements. They found deposits of 8 million shillings.

Immediately, they baptized the entire amount as undeclared taxable income.

Then demanded: 30% income tax. Penalties plus interest.

Total bill: 2.5 million shillings plus.

When Kamau saw the tax bill, he went mad.
He could try to talk but words would not come out. He nearly swallowed his tongue.

When he came back to real life. He shipped a protest letter to KRA.

He explained the money was dowry contribution from his family, friends and well wishers.

- He produced WhatsApp group fundraising screenshots.
- He produced RTGS confirmations.
- He produced the donation book.
- He even produced videos of the ceremony.

Including footage of the Werokamu song.

KRA could not hear any of it. They only wanted 2.5 million.

When Kamau realized KRA was not playing, he ran to court.

He told the Tribunal:

- My lord, look. I have shown KRA where the money came from.
- I have shown KRA who contributed it.
- I have shown KRA the ceremony.
- What more do they want from me?

KRA responded.
And what they said nearly made the judges fall off their chairs.

They argued the evidence was not convincing.

Why?

• Because the 2,000 plus donors had not sworn affidavits confirming that the money they gave was a donation and not payment for goods or services.

The Tribunal looked at the matter in amusement.

Then ruled.

- Kamau had discharged his burden of proof in full.
- KRA had acted unreasonably by ignoring and disregarding the substantial evidence he provided.
- And most importantly: Income tax is a tax on income. It is not a tax on every deposit appearing in a bank account.

The Tribunal found that KRA was wrong to treat all bank deposits as taxable income without first removing proven non income items such as dowry contributions.

The tax demand was killed.

Kamau won.

KRA retreated to Times Tower. And rested.

Case closed.

• Lesson 2.

- Document everything.

- KRA will push. Push hard.

[Kagũma @Index_49]

@mwabilimwagodi2 Could it be paranoia? Maybe he trusts no one

[Kagũma @Index_49]

@ww_nab Tukuweni watu wa nduthi sasa

[Kagũma @Index_49]

@lewis_ngunyi Who was it that called the Gen-Z movement rudderless?

[Kagũma @Index_49]

@camgrimsec @elormkdaniel But Google and Microsoft don't build routers 🤔

Too bad my current router isn't supported by OpenWRT

[Kagũma @Index_49]

@Maryian96 What changes have happened in your life lately? I'd start with that. It is likely something you're going through that's triggering your subconscious mind to think of him, which manifests itself as dreams about him

[Kagũma @Index_49]

@supuypweza How can we be ashamed of we're living in them?

[Kagũma @Index_49]

@camgrimsec @elormkdaniel How do they get the location of the router?

[Kagũma @Index_49]

@KipLecturer @Dr_AustinOmondi @JoelJirane @AmbrosMr_ @Branicemercy @DrJuma_M @Aboge_27 @baroswahjr @Bookten8 @dekim_Kalvino @_Ojay1984_ Sio chwara?

[Math Files @Math_files]

A mathematics professor once discovered that the sink in his kitchen had broken. He called a plumber, who arrived the next day, tightened a few fittings, and quickly fixed the problem.

The professor was pleased—until he saw the bill.

“This is a third of my monthly salary!” he exclaimed.

Still, he paid it. As the plumber was leaving, he said, “I understand your situation. Why not join our company? You could earn much more than you do now. Just one thing—when you apply, say you only finished elementary school. They prefer that.”

The professor, intrigued, followed the advice. To his surprise, he was hired. The work was simple—occasional repairs, tightening pipes—and his income improved dramatically.

Some time later, the company introduced a new rule: all employees had to attend evening classes to complete basic schooling. The professor had no choice but to attend.

On the first day, the subject was mathematics. The instructor asked a student to write the formula for the area of a circle on the board. The professor was chosen.

He walked up confidently—but then hesitated. He couldn’t recall the formula.

Determined, he began deriving it from scratch. The board quickly filled with integrals, derivatives, and complex expressions. After several minutes of work, he arrived at a result:

−πr²

Unsatisfied with the negative sign, he tried again. And again. Each time, the same result appeared.

Frustrated, he turned to the class. Behind him, the other plumbers were whispering to one another:

“Switch the limits of the integral.”

[Kagũma @Index_49]

@Dr_AustinOmondi Dying of what? Maybe most are aged 🤷

[☆ @LyricalDoctor6]

I paid my daughter kshs200 for washing dishes but now that she's sleeping I just stole it. She has to learn early that crime rate is high in this country

[West Beaumont @BeaumontWest]

This is the blindspot created when trying to overtake on the left in a RHD car.
Always keep left unless overtaking.

[Kagũma @Index_49]

@JustKingss What are your plans for retirement?

[Kagũma @Index_49]

@MojiMan21080 @Weeleey6 I'm not responsible for how you choose to misinterpret my words

[Kagũma @Index_49]

@bmautoparts @RobertKennedyJr There's a Swahili proverb that says, "old poop doesn't stink". I think it's very fitting here. No one denies that it's 💩, but if it doesn't stink......

[Ersin @Ersin0X]

The most expensive mouse hunt ever 🐭💸😭

[Kagũma @Index_49]

@bmautoparts @RobertKennedyJr That was in 1973, ser