a hardest pill to swallow is that people will hurt you. dehumanize you in so many ways and not feel badly about it. they won’t feel a thing actually. they’ll move on with their day, their week, their life, happy as ever but there you are, crushed. loss of appetite. loss of sleep.
PEOPLE LACK ACCOUNTABILITY, then be like, "you could've just talked to me." No, I couldn't lol. You don't listen. You deflect. You gaslight. You make me feel like I'm the problem for bringing it up. So no, I stayed silent to protect my sanity, not because I didn't want to fix.
The Narcissist........
"I am going to make it impossible for you to succeed by causing you so much stress that you end up in survival mode and only have the ability to just get by."
"Then I am going to berate you for not being able to succeed or fulfil your goals."
Those who have harmed you will create false narratives around you, your experiences, and your character. They are doing this because in order to be honest about who you are, they would have to be honest about what they’ve done.
It is normal to be uncomfortable around people who have traumatized you. It is equally normal to be uncomfortable around people who support them after you've spoken up.
The idea of mindfulness can feel dismissive to a person with complex trauma. When your mind & body is at war, you want to escape that, not think deeper on it. Being mindful is healing, but there are many steps to take to help that person feel stable before mindfulness feels safe.
There are people who will believe and understand you without you needing multiple ways to explain it. They may not be in your family, but they know full well the loneliness that comes with feeling like an outcast. May you find them. May they find you. May you both help others.
To tell someone whose experienced trauma to “let go” is to pretend when they do, they’ll return to what they once knew. They’re not just missing life before trauma—they’re letting go of how life could’ve been had they not got hurt to begin with. “Let go” is insulting.
You weren’t ghosted if they tried speaking up and you talked over them.
You weren’t ghosted if they expressed boundaries that you continued to cross.
You weren’t ghosted if you judged them for living life differently than you expected.
You were uninvited when they moved on.