Jake

Why am I here?

[Jake @JakeLazarski]

@desmond_petelo The best is when you shoot them at each other in a duel, right @blake_cowan ?

[James @CaucasianJames]

alright i’m done crying who wanna wii bowl

[shen the bird @Shen_the_Bird]

tv remotes that have separate buttons for on and off need to calm the fuck down

[Emily Murnane @emily_murnane]

My therapist keeps telling me to stop comparing myself to other people—that life’s not a competition.

Which, to be fair, is exactly what I’d say to someone I was trying to beat, too.

[whalefact @awhalefact]

many whales don’t have a working oven and will never know the joy of pizza rolls

[Welcome Matt @theguywitheyes]

Carebears imply the existence of Nihilistbears

[Harrison Weinreb @harriweinreb]

lying in bed is fucking hardcore. I passed out last night

[Good Bean Jokes @goodbeanjokes]

Beans: *exist*

Me: *eats them*

[shen the bird @Shen_the_Bird]

me: [drawing sword] my only request is to be granted a warrior's death in single combat

dj: [over music] what, no like songs man, wait what

[Animals in Socks @AnimalsInSocks]

Fact: This is a Fox In Fox Socks

[Jake @JakeLazarski]

Finally, some Good Dam News

[Lynchburg Water Resources @LynchburgH2O]

City staff have been monitoring the College Lake Dam every hour since yesterday afternoon. Everything is good & we’ve seen no issues with the dam so far! #LynchburgVA #LYH

[Jake @JakeLazarski]

I have to read chapter 3 for a project due tomorrow- Didn’t even know we had a textbook. #CollegeProbs

[Dr. Phil @DrPhil]

I'm here to rock this bitch! 🤘🏼

[whalefact @awhalefact]

whales have up to 11 inches of blubber which means they’re thicc af

[Jake @JakeLazarski]

When you clearly lose a fight but refuse to admit it: https://t.co/IjYv89YSn3