Jenny Mc

[Jenny Mc @Jennymctweet]

@HettyKezia you’re Ali Hart.....

[ThisOneSays @ThisOneSayz]

*Interrogation Room*

Detective: We know you took the teeth and the dental records.

....

Detective: Look, I'm just trying to do my job here.

Tooth Fairy: So am I!

[Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4]

I hate it when I wake up in the morning & I still have to be a responsible adult.

[Mave @MavenofHonor]

So many friends have kids now it's tough to meet for coffee, let alone carry out the greatest casino heist the world has ever known

[JC Tarp @jctwritesstuff]

If you don't check to see if your dog's breathing like a thousand times a day while they sleep, you're not me.

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

Types of British weather, from Very British Problems Volume 3
https://t.co/gjO1Gl5dPb

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

If you’ve just entered a building without saying “bloody freezing out there”, you’ve done it wrong. Go out and do it again

[You Had One Job @YouHadOneJ0B]

It’s beginning.....

[The Pale Space Rider @truegritrumble]

BABY: *cries*
ME: Get in line, buddy.

PUPPY: *cries*
ME: *panicking* OMG, WHAT GREAT TRAGEDY HAS BEFALLEN YOU, MR. NIBBLES?

[Jennifer Wright @JenAshleyWright]

Hey women: retweet if you've ever been shown a penis you did not want or expect to see.

[Cryptolord @cryptoyears]

On this day in 1993, the world mourned the death of talented young actor #RiverPhoenix who died from a drug overdose, aged 23. #90s

[. @PumpLordSolana]

Remember the Magic pencil?

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

"Is the heating on?"
Translation 1: I'm so cold I think my heart's about to stop
Translation 2: I feel like I'm made of fire

[Jenny Mc @Jennymctweet]

Car in front: 40mph in 60 limit

Me: ok mr cautious...

Car in front when limit changes to 30: Still 40mph

Me: 🤔

[Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug]

Hibernation Mode: ACTIVATED