@GOtransit Thank you for the extra New Year's Eve service! Do the late-night express Lakeshore West trains (from Aldershot) stop in Oakville? https://t.co/MUGfWHzWgi
@_spacecraf_ Though this tweet is not intended to encourage suicide, the wording can give the impression that it does. Please take it down. https://t.co/oekrWuCRcO
[calling in sick]
BOSS: This is the third time in a month you've had a stomach flu...How is that even possible?
ME {trying to not let on I'm a cow}: Well I definitely have only one stomach that's for sure
Why is “silly goose” a phrase have u ever met a goose they are the most serious and powerful dinosaur lookin monsters I’ve ever encountered not one of them is silly
[Police officers at the door]
COPS: Mr. Conley?
We're here because we have reason to suspect...
that current models of the atom are inadequate
MR. CONLEY: Uh... why... did you tell me?
COPS: Well we had to tell someone