Jimmy Bernardi

Author of The Slappening 👋 👋 👋

[Jimmy Bernardi @JimmyBoobeddy]

Y is this called X... amirite!?!

oof, that was a bad joke.

*jumps down waterslide leading to a pool filled with mashed potatoes

[Jimmy Bernardi @JimmyBoobeddy]

@DonnieGoodman_ Can you make these into t-shirts?

[Jimmy Bernardi @JimmyBoobeddy]

I wrote a horror-humor book called The Slappening. Thanks in advance if you check it out!!

https://t.co/s8z0rDBta2

[Mr. Frank @NJMetal]

13% done with The Slappening, by Jamie Benedi: What's Slappening? https://t.co/2gr5gkt61e

[Jimmy Bernardi @JimmyBoobeddy]

@CodySkinnerFan Hahahah thanks buddy 🤌🏻

[Jimmy Bernardi @JimmyBoobeddy]

My niece said she wanted a stuffed animal, so I gave her a raw turkey

[Jimmy Bernardi @JimmyBoobeddy]

Got new shoes... as soon as I can get them down from those telephone wires.

[Jimmy Bernardi @JimmyBoobeddy]

@NickyShowbiz Ahahahah

[Jimmy Bernardi @JimmyBoobeddy]

Gum only sticks to two things. The ground and people’s hair. BETTER WATCH OUT, BARBER SHOPS!!

[Jimmy Bernardi @JimmyBoobeddy]

Practical joke. Get a job as a long haul trucker. Speed. Get pulled over. Let cops open the back of the truck. It’s filled with farts 💨

[Jimmy Bernardi @JimmyBoobeddy]

Thought I signed up for a Zumba class but it’s actually a Roomba class. Now I’m just crawling around a room eating dirt.

[Jimmy Bernardi @JimmyBoobeddy]

Meant to buy a bag of Doritos, accidentally bought Diarrhea-itos. Delicious! Love the cheese!

[Jimmy Bernardi @JimmyBoobeddy]

Binging that podcast where Obama interviews Pee-wee Herman.

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

Alternate Ending to "Midnight in Paris"

Owen Wilson’s character is sitting in a padded cell, eating his own shit.

[Jimmy Bernardi @JimmyBoobeddy]

I can’t tell if these chicken McNuggets are getting thinner, or if my hands are just swelling from the salt

[Jimmy Bernardi @JimmyBoobeddy]

Macadamia nut cookies low key keeping Subway afloat, real talk motha fuckas!

[Jimmy Bernardi @JimmyBoobeddy]

Saw a dog pissing on a fire hydrant while a bear was shitting on its head

[Jimmy Bernardi @JimmyBoobeddy]

Nunchucks are the best for someone who doesn’t own a helicopter

[Jimmy Bernardi @JimmyBoobeddy]

When I get old I want to feel young... so I’ll get braces for my dentures

[Jimmy Bernardi @JimmyBoobeddy]

Anybody know a good chiropractor who can crack my knuckles?