nickyshowbiz

Comedian that's only 999,567 away from 1 million followers.

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

"Ayahuasca changed my life. It healed me, freed me from anxiety & self-consciousness, and deepened my connection to others.

- Comedian on a podcast that spends the next 45 minutes talking about how they are incapable of being in a relationship, drink too much, & are depressed.

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

Fashionable New Yorkers have to be walking around with plantar fasciitis. There’s no way you’re doing 18,000 steps a day in ballet flats and feeling great.

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

I was reading a book about how to embrace being in your 40s. Then I found out the author was 36 and threw it out.

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

Caught a whiff of Axe Body Spray and it reminded me of early 2000s date rape. Stuff really takes me back.

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

Couldn’t afford to freeze my eggs in my 30s, so I started freezing my periods.

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

Every role in The Odyssey should be played by a different Skarsgard.

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

And they let them use the bathroom to go number one AND two!? Wtf

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

Due to Trumps tariffs, candy’s too expensive, so this year for Halloween I’m handing out pretzels with a cute little note that says “You can thank your parents for this”.

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

Fun fact: It’s nearly impossible to poop without your phone.

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

Someone sent this book review to my husband, horror author ⁦@RJBenetti⁩ lol

#bookreview #horror #horrormovies #horrorbooks #extremehorror #horrorcomedy #horrorbookreviews #bookreviewer #wtf #lol

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

Thank Heavens the Chinese have made robots that can run! WE NEEDED THIS!

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

Whelp, looks like there’s gonna be a Pope Donald J Trump.

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

Hot Take: Wide-leg jeans look bad on everyone.

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

Love is Blind more like Love is Boring.
💨

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

Cue the hack Deport my Dad! jokes

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

Wonder how many divorces started with a husband getting a fit bit and reading his daily stats to his wife.

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

I won’t even pardon my kids farts.

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

Let's start putting beanie babies on Range Rovers so we can ruin those too.

[Todd Barry @toddbarry]

My special "The Crowd Work Tour" was on Netflix in 2015.

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

Told my husband to sneeze into his elbow and he said that's too complicated.

[nickyshowbiz @NickyShowbiz]

Preparing for the total eclipse by taking pictures of my butt blocking out the sun.