Jonathan Zeller

I edit, write, and tell jokes.

[Jonathan Zeller @JonJZeller]

Remember the “Mad About You” where Murray eats Jamie’s corpse? https://t.co/CsqcpPHsr9 @tnyshouts @newyorker

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"These days, no one asks me about pronouns; they’re too busy searching for potable water."
https://t.co/PO8Zl3pMOR

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"Counting every almond is asking for trouble. As long as I’m pretty certain it’s ten or fewer, I’m not going to fixate on the quantity. This seems like maybe ten-and-a-half almonds in my palm right now, so I’ll toss two back into the bag to make sure."
https://t.co/oDU9EAfZ39

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"Its novel is a tour de force uncannily reflecting the tragic emptiness of endless striving in the hedonistic Jazz Age. It is unlike anything else this critic has seen before, with one possible exception."
https://t.co/QnXIQgnFX3

[Jonathan Zeller @JonJZeller]

For @mcsweeneys, I wrote about the latest advance in generative AI. https://t.co/TNBkrIiEXe

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"Just as Jay Gatsby is an enigmatic larger-than-life figure driven to accumulate wealth at all costs in a futile bid for the love of Daisy Buchanan, the Xerox 914 beats on ceaselessly, printing page after page, for reasons readers cannot fully comprehend."
https://t.co/QnXIQgn87v

[Jonathan Zeller @JonJZeller]

Why I Should Be Employee of the Month at Rental Mania Video @WeeklyHumorist

https://t.co/VDDBZOHKvF

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"The truth is simpler, and not at all alarming: your phone only seems to be listening to you because it’s collecting data about every word you type, every website you visit, and, through GPS tracking, everywhere you go in the physical world."
https://t.co/05LpLcyQxC

[Jonathan Zeller @JonJZeller]

Calm Down—Your Phone Isn’t Listening to Your Conversations. It’s Just Tracking Everything You Type, Every App You Use, Every Website You Visit, and Everywhere You Go in the Physical World. @mcsweeneys https://t.co/fDspl216SK

[Jonathan Zeller @JonJZeller]

Conditions Under Which I Am Willing to Babysit @WeeklyHumorist

https://t.co/YYnSTfgdvF

[Jonathan Zeller @JonJZeller]

Everything I Remember @WeeklyHumorist
https://t.co/hVTpzGVuxI

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

Here's our 13th most-read piece of the year. #McSweeneysTop20of23
https://t.co/vV5jXs0PUm

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

And you can check out an interview with the author of this piece, @JonJZeller, over on our Patreon (unlocked): https://t.co/boegfduvJj

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

Dismiss this absolutely bonkers humor piece by @jonjzeller at your peril. #LettuceEntertainYou
https://t.co/Gxyo6wSb0v

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

We're biased, but this is maybe the greatest recap of a fake reality talent show about lettuce ever?

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"As America’s Got Lettuce ends its run, it’s time to look back at the contestant performances and judge reactions that made it the world’s top-rated show for thirty-seven consecutive seasons—and reminded us that, through it all, America does got lettuce."
https://t.co/Gxyo6wSb0v

[Jonathan Zeller @JonJZeller]

The All-Time Best Moments from "America’s Got Lettuce"

@mcsweeneys

https://t.co/HDh9qI0UPC

[Jonathan Zeller @JonJZeller]

Great Deal Alert: You Can Have Money If You Debase Yourself

@PointsinCase

https://t.co/AxKltwWHKY

[The Good Dog Show @thegooddogshow]

Our show tonight (7/23)—with @silkyjumbo, @MartinUrbano, @TimBarnes451, @CarmenLagala, @DannyRathbun, @RachelMLenihan, @JonJZeller, and dogs—is sold out. See you at 7:30!

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"Hacks who think that optimism is somehow 'saccharine' should encounter something even more saccharine—a ten-thousand-gallon drum of the artificial sweetener saccharin, in which they drown for the sin of denouncing the one pure entity in this universe." https://t.co/9hmDHTJVW7

[Jonathan Zeller @JonJZeller]

Gambling Problem? Visit Our Casino! https://t.co/p9lhlYQa1K

@weeklyhumorist