Plz Tax Bezos

Actor/Writer/#DungeonMaster
💥🎭💥
Creator of #WestofBroadway #CoffeeCops

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

Those eight magic words... 😬

#dnd #ttrpg #memewars

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

Anytime my eating schedule is in someone else's hands, danger lurks.

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

Looking to escape this world? Longing to answer the call of the ancient deep?? Then join my Call of Cthulu game!!

Only 4 Seats Left!! Satisfaction and Horror, guaranteed!

https://t.co/daspBEzRq1

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

I'm a "content evaluator," and by that I mean I'm "addicted to my phone."

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

If you want to know what being a professional actor is like, one time I was having a full blown panic attack but had to record a VO auditon so I taped it, and my agent wrote back:
"Can you record this again?? You sound like you've been crying."

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

Stop emailing my wife! Enough!

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

Anytime @AChapman_105 is pitching against the Astros, I have @michaelschwab13's twitter up like public radio during a disaster 🌪

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

Judge not a man by his words, but rather by the condition of his cast iron cookware.

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

BREAKING: Davey, the talkative midshipman from Billie Joel's "Piano Man," has been dishonorably discharged.

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

Nothing compares to the look on these Federal officers faces as I paid off my ENTIRE Student Loan debt with avocado toast 🥑

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

🌿 BETWEEN 2 DMs 🌿
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Join us tomorrow as we host the incomparable @Eskalia for a DM DIVE!! We will finally unearth the following:
🎲Who wins in a fight: a kobold or a goblin?
🎲Should Brass Dragons deal thunder damage?
🎲Why are Drow the sexiest Elves?

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

@infntealchemics Haha love this - like the Wright Bros, your Dad was ahead of the times!!

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights definitely make a left.

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

The rumors are false, my discord is not dead.

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

@TheRyanHollins @HoustonRockets Enormous leap this year, these young pups coming back next season as WOLVES 💥💥

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

If Jesus was around today he'd be arrested for faking his own death.

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

The Rules Lawyer...that's an actual attorney 🥵
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https://t.co/yzXFZVBsXD

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

@ExtrillTheKing Back atchya, Extell!!!

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

INT - Thai Prison

Two guards hold back my arms while a third riddles my face & body with blows.

GUARD #3: "How!!?? How'd he become so POWERFUL so quickly!?"
ME: [spitting out teeth & laughing] "You fools...if you stop Charmeleon from evolving he learns Flamethrower at lvl 42."

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

@TheEvanSloan Time to LAWYER UP!!

[Plz Tax Bezos @Jonny_Raindance]

@michaelschwab13 So, so, so glad that the Astros' Achilles Biter, Kole Calhoun, leads in strikeouts!! Suck it, Kole!