mk

a “no beer queer” — she/her

[mk @KayserRoll]

Tbt to when Mal slid into my DMs @_malwee

[mk @KayserRoll]

@NoahKahan Play mess for my birthday???? Pls???

[mk @KayserRoll]

you take a dog into your home, you feed her and love her endlessly for two whole years, and she repays you by sleeping on the bed in the guest room by herself every night

[mk @KayserRoll]

a genuinely impressive number of people have asked me if im still seeing a therapist this month 🤪

[mk @KayserRoll]

Maisie lived in Albany for almost 3 years and was able to find/pee on every abandoned pile of poop in the city limits, we stay at my parents for a month and I need to find/pick up piles of poop? Useless. Refuses to use those skills in rural settings.

[mk @KayserRoll]

I s2g if one more of my emails gets stuck in my outbox for an ungodly and undisclosed amount of time I will lose my gd mind

[mk @KayserRoll]

didn’t pack my face wash or moisturizer so I used st Ives apricot scrub and some random moisturizer in the closet at my parents someone pls pray for my sensitive skin

[mk @KayserRoll]

when u are blessed w a fenced in backyard in the city and your dog simply will not poop back there bc she firmly believes it’s for playing not pottying

[mk @KayserRoll]

@catalinapaige Absolutely horrifying like let me stalk people in peace?????????

[mk @KayserRoll]

Good morning to everyone but mark Zuckerberg pls explain to me why my Facebook app sent like 14 friend requests to people I absolutely do not know this morning

[mk @KayserRoll]

Happy hobbit foot season to all my barefoot summertime girlies

[mk @KayserRoll]

I am once again begging someone to lobotomize me

[mk @KayserRoll]

feeling brave this morning (might take dog on walk without putting a bra on???)

[mk @KayserRoll]

does someone want to buy tires for my car I don’t feel like it but apparently they’re “dangerously” bad

[mk @KayserRoll]

this is up there as like one of the most Millennial things I’ve ever tweeted

[mk @KayserRoll]

you don’t think I have any self control???? Do you know how many pictures of my dog I have taken vs how many I have shared?????

[mk @KayserRoll]

just saw the eras tour set list want to die someone give me a ticket pls I’ll literally sell my kidney

[mk @KayserRoll]

“Does my hair look okay?” “Yeah, if you’re going for greasy colonial boy corpse”

[mk @KayserRoll]

accidentally food poisoned myself making an aioli why didn’t I just add some garlic to hellmans

[mk @KayserRoll]

love when I haven’t even finished listening to the first song on an album and I already know it will be the only thing I listen to for the next three months Tysm @gracieabrams