Keith K.

Keith is often described as a “local something”.

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

@MsReeezy A rhombus is a gateway shape to get you hooked on other, more complicated shapes. I was watching a comedy clip recently and noticed the sweet polyhedrons of the lamps behind the comedians, and only then did I realize how deep in I was.

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

@mcuban STEM propaganda is always based in increasing the supply of trained workers so they can be paid less individually. Foreign workers is always about cheaper workers because they negotiate wages under threat of deportation.

Its always about making more money for stockholders.

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

@morgan_murphy I kind of wonder if tv execs are heavily influenced by online metrics collected by marketing teams?

I’ve sort of lost all faith in using feedback from online sources. Very successful things that are inarguably beloved can look like trash if you just go by the online response.

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

The real reason that extraterrestrial aliens have never visited Earth is because they have a conservative political party that didn’t want to pay the income taxes needed to build a spaceship capable of reaching Earth (also, they were afraid we’d immigrate).

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

Dr. Strange 1992.

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

The problem with slippery slopes is not just the moral peril, but that everyone ends up in a weird greasy fuckpile at the bottom of a hill.

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

@joshgondelman You need a gross comedy friend who can trade you “nice man” jokes.

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

@roywoodjr A lot of comedians pretend to be tough guys, but as the opener probably making $40 that night, I’m not risking getting a tooth knocked out unless we are actual friends. Same rules as every other situation in life.

A little stage time doesn’t buy you a discount bodyguard.

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

@ChuckTingle Definitely weird to meet folks on the “I don’t want a better world” team.

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

@katewillett Urban planners are the worst. Why does every dinner have to turn into an argument about bike lanes?

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

Imagine the guy who has to move the clock to midnight during the apocalypse.

The end of the world is bad enough, but to have to do admin that day too?

[USA TODAY Graphics @usatgraphics]

The Doomsday Clock was moved to 90 seconds to midnight today, Jan. 24, the closest it's ever been.

The Doomsday Clock is a decades-long project of the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists featuring a clock face where midnight represents Armageddon. https://t.co/uG9vmchRXK

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

Thing I learned as a man who has long Fabio hair for the first time in his life: when doing emergency repairs on your car, the zip ties in your car’s tool kit will serve as emergency hair ties.

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

@NoContextBrits Drowners have a fun story. There used to be a reward for resuscitating drowned people, so there were professional drowners who would split the reward with the savior.

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

@elizaskinner Pulling a gun out shows incredibly bad judgement. This is the kind of person who think guns are props or accessories, and that makes them dangerous to the people around them. Personally, I’d never work with them again, or even be in a room with them.

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

@Ariel_Comedy @JimmyKimmelLive Great set!

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

@MikeDrucker Making company towns is the cutting edge of 19th century ideas. I suspect Kanye is less a visionary and more of a guy who doesn’t read.

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

@timjhogan Jesus, someone got an “A” in their video editing class. Pairing that song with the sizzle reel is devastating.

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

Watching #RingsofPower,and I’d like to humbly request that the hobbits are allowed to say “for fuck’s sake”. It would really clean up their dialogue.

Thank you.

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

Apparently, when you barely leave the house for a few years, you forget to hunch your shoulders in public.

[Keith K. @KeithKtheWriter]

@megangailey @CJToledano Never trust anyone who is willing to spend $6,000 to look like they ride the bus.