Aaron

I’m just here for the rational and well articulated conversation. Just in case: JustAnotherHookerInDC on IG

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

My therapist told me I need to be more intentional about my marriage.

So I onboarded my wife onto a personal CRM platform to track our relationship metrics.

I created a kanban board for household chores and assigned her three urgent tickets for folding laundry.

She didn't appreciate being tagged as an operational resource in a domestic sprint.

I set up an automated weekly email summarizing our emotional KPIs.

It tracks our date nights, argument frequency, coitus, and overall conversational ROI.

Yesterday I sent her a calendar invite for a performance review regarding her dishwashing velocity.

She declined the invite and proposed a new meeting titled "legal separation."

I realized my optimization strategy was perhaps lacking human empathy.

I tried to roll back the integration, but she had already revoked my administrative access to the primary bedroom.

I am currently sleeping on the couch.

Tomorrow I am going to buy her flowers and log it as a client retention expense.

[Aaron @Kline]

@tarynbray That fucking sucks. I hope you land somewhere that values their staff more.

[baloo @davekingNL29]

They say penis size is related to shoe size which makes the fear of getting raped by a clown much scarier.

[Gramps @GrandpaHarris65]

Maybe he’ll die and that’ll be our nations 250th year birthday gift.

[Eva. @Bunny_ngl]

what the F*cK did Apple do to the iPhone keyboard cause I genuinely feel like I’m losing my mind typing these days

[Dr. Parik Patel, BA, CFA, ACCA Esq. @ParikPatelCFA]

Imagine paying $20/month for Claude when you can just ask questions to the Chipotle customer support bot and get Opus 4.8 for free

[The Associated Press @AP]

Prediction market Kalshi has reported former Rep. George Santos to prosecutors over a bet he made on himself, a person familiar with the investigation says. https://t.co/26MdbxO8yq

[IcyVert @IcyVert]

A “no means no” chant has started here

[Rick Wilson @TheRickWilson]

Trump is dying.
The White House is covering it up.
The media isn't doing its job in making this a singular pursuit.

https://t.co/zqBzEpKaGP

[TMZ @TMZ]

Exclusive: Claude Lemieux died by suicide. https://t.co/1T7lEKO78e

[Adam Kinzinger (Slava Ukraini) 🇺🇸🇺🇦 @AdamKinzinger]

Those are deep

Told ya

[Team Talarico @TeamTalaricoHQ]

GOP Sen. Thom Tillis: “To call Ken Paxton 'ethically challenged' is to call Jeffrey Dahmer suffering from an eating disorder.”

[Aaron @Kline]

What is stopping me from organizing a million LLCs in Florida or Texas and running train on the Republicans?

[More Perfect Union @MorePerfectUS]

A judge has ruled that corporations can vote in some Delaware elections.

Delaware Superior Court Judge Craig Karsnitz said the town of Fenwick Island was not diluting human votes by allowing companies ​and other legal entities that own property to cast votes in municipal elections.

These "legal entities" and corporations make up about 12% of registered voters in the town.

In total Delaware has far more ​corporations chartered in the state than residents.

Judge Karsnitz rejected the constitutional arguments of the ACLU, including the claim that "entity" or corporate voting dilutes the political power of living people.

[George Conway ⚖️🇺🇸 @gtconway3d]

Dear @realDonaldTrump:

You are an adjudicated digital rapist. Nothing can change that, because it's a fact. And the evidence was not contested—because you were too scared to testify.

Feel free to come after me, too.

Best,
George

P.S. Fuck you.

[Mia @Mia1430797]

That's such a brilliant idea!

[Hillary Clinton @HillaryClinton]

By the end of Trump’s term, it’ll be just enough to buy one gallon of gas and a carton of eggs.

[TheRealThelmaJohnson @TheRealThelmaJ1]

Stephen Miller got into politics because his arms are too weak to strangle prostitutes.

[🇨🇭🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿InLucysHead🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇨🇭© @InsideLucysHead]

My german girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10...

Last night we tried anal

She kept yelling 9

That's the best I've ever done.

[₣ØⱤ₮Ɏ✭ @Forty1_0]

Hi, ER Doc here.

I don’t know who needs to hear this but do NOT even think about it.

[Boston Smalls @smalls2672]

Valid point