Todd Gack

Pizza Hut is my emergency contact

[Todd Gack @KungFuTomHanks]

I’d rather walk barefoot across a rug of Legos than share a fun fact about myself with a group of people.

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

Americans: so, with "explosive diarrhea" does the weight stay off?

[Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes]

After my funeral I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone:
"thanks for coming"

[𝕊𝕒𝕞𝕞𝕪 @FromN5_]

you either don’t eat cereal for months, or you eat three bowls in one night, there is no in between.

[Addicus Sappington @AddicusSapp]

Where to find condoms that aren’t so baggy google search

[tooflyszn @_tooflyszn]

mfs in high school was sneakin into different lunch periods like it was the club

[not Johnny Manziel (parody) @JohnnyFootbalI]

Me showing up to the bar again after my friends put me to bed an hour ago

[Jimmy Stein @JimmyStein_LOB]

There are only 3 Thursday nights left without nfl or college football. Just. Three.

After tonight, just 2.

[ESPN @espn]

🏈 Heisman winner
🏈 National champion
🏈 No. 1 overall pick

What a year for Fernando Mendoza. He takes home the ESPY for Best College Athlete - Men's Sports 🔥

[alexSSN @alexSSN]

Hey man, that’s really awesome that you saved some of your 4th of July fireworks so you could set them off at noon on the 13th of July

[MLB @MLB]

This Dodgers All-Star selfie 😮‍💨

Freddie Freeman, Andy Pages, Yoshinobu Yamamoto and Justin Wrobleski posed for a flic during All-Star Game media day!

[The Ginger Swindler @lilydsmith]

monday again

[Los Angeles Dodgers @Dodgers]

Our All-Stars. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[SpecialKimtamine™ 🏴‍☠️🇺🇸🇮🇹🚩 @LorazeKim]

If you see someone crying ask them if it’s because of their haircut

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

"Can I ask a stupid question?"

"Sure. I've seen you do it a thousand times."

[Los Angeles Dodgers @Dodgers]

Shotime!

[Saltyandy 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇨🇦 @BialkoAndrew68]

Taco blocko 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

[. @playboicurrryy]

how teachers be sitting on their desk after the sub snitched & left a note

[♰ 𝙽𝚊𝚎𝚝𝚘 @fw_naetoblaq]

You can spend an hour organizing one drawer and suddenly feel like your entire life is together.

[cнєєкυ⋆｡🪐˚ ⋆ @Okay_Bye___]

When i say "Bonjour, ça va?" and they
start speaking fluent French to me

[Flow Hardy @flowhardy_]

my favorite sex position is when you communicate ur feelings in a direct way